Cha, Cha, Cha, Changes

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming

Awestruck is a good word to describe how I feel about what I see happening in the blogging community. People whose paths would never cross otherwise have come together for one cause and I find that amazing. I don’t have words to describe how I’m feeling.

I wanted to recognize every blog that had a link to Miss Ann’s effort but there are so many now I can’t keep up. I’ve been trying to come by and thank all of you for helping but again, I just can’t keep up. You have my deepest, sincerest gratitude. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Now I wish I could share good news with you but those of you who have read my blog for a long time know…I tell it like it is. Those of you who are new should know you will always get the truth, good, bad or ugly. Sometimes life isn’t always puppies, sunshine and rainbows.

Always count on one thing though, I always seem to land out on top of the most diverse situations.

My husband and I met with the oncologist yesterday. He specializes in gynecological cancers like ovarian cancer. He was in total dismay that the cancer center I went to last year did not suggest chemotherapy. He could not believe they never contacted me, not even by letter, to follow up. The doctor asked repeatedly, “They never contacted you? They never suggested chemotherapy???”

The doctor was also surprised no one suggest chemotherapy and that there was no consultation with an oncologist while I was hospitalized for four months last year. I never gave it any thought until he mentioned it. He asked the same questions repeatedly, “No one suggested chemotherapy?” No one??”

That’s when I realized I was fucked.

He told me what I already knew but he repeated it 10 times.

“This is very, very complicated.”

It turns out that I have tumors on my liver and abdomen. This is an aggressive cancer that seems to be spreading fast. I’m inoperable although my only hope may be that Johns Hopkins is the only hospital on the East Coast that may be willing to try surgery to “debulk” the tumor in my abdomen but it’s very risky.

Using chemotherapy at this stage in the game may or may not produce good results.

So I’m on a roller coaster.

One minute I’m like, “I’m gonna die…ahhhhhhhhhh!”

The next minute I’m like, “Oh no fucking way, I’m kickin’ ass…I’ve got things to do people!”

And then I have moments of inner peace and feel that it is what it is.

People beat odds all of the time. My daughter beat every odd against her. She was 15 ounces at birth…15 ounces.

The next time you are in the Dairy Isle of your supermarket pick up the Land O’ Lakes butter. Feel the weight in the palm of your hand. My 11 year old daughter weighed less than that butter the day she was born on April 1, 2007 1997.

She dropped to 13.8 ounces on April 3, 2007 1997.

Edit: Take notice of the dates…I don’t can’t get the year my child was born right.

They told us she had a 5% chance of living and that if she in fact did live…she’d be mentally retarded and have cerebral palsy. They also told us she’d have a multitude of other medical difficulties. For ten weeks I sat by a warming bed while a ventilator kept her breathing not knowing if she would live, not knowing what kind of life she would have if she did survive.

She defied every single odd thrown against her. She survived. Today she’s healthy, smart, in fifth grade and gets A’s in school.

She’s a survivor…and so am I.

If I’m going to survive I’m going to have to make some changes. I have to be willing to go to any lengths. I have to ask myself…am I willing to do that? Can I at least make one change today? What will it be?

Junk food. Out with the crappy, fatty, shitty, processed foods that are pure junk…all of them. I mean every single one of them…even cream in my coffee. My body needs, no deserves the purest foods and nutrients it can get, right?

So, this isn’t the greatest news and I have once again left you feeling like you don’t know what to say. This is what I’d love for you to consider…consider a change. What’s one thing you could change about your life today that would make it better? No matter how big or small…what is it?

The comments today are all about change…

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