Life didn’t promise to be wonderful. ~Teddy Pendergrass
There are times when I just can’t be the sunshine poster child for having a great attitude through the adversity of cancer. I feel like right now is one of those times…
Dude and I made the decision to sit down and have a discussion with our daughters last night, a discussion I’ve been dreading. I cannot not express how sick I felt knowing that I was about to tell my two angels that I have cancer for the third time after they spent almost four months visiting me in the hospital last summer. In fact last year at this time I was in a drug-induced coma so they weren’t seeing me at all.
“Girls, I have something I need to tell you. You know I’ve been visiting a lot of doctors for the past few weeks…well, they have told me that I have cancer again.”
Before I could get another word out I saw Cam bury her head in the couch to avoid the conversation and to avoid her emotions.
Teenie burst out into tears and said, “Is this going to be like last year?!?!?!?!?!?!”
I told Teenie that last year couldn’t repeat itself…that this time will be different but I felt like a liar. I’m one of those “keep it real” parents but this time, just this one time, I didn’t have the heart to tell her anything other than what she wanted to hear.
Cam is another story. She didn’t have much to say other than, “I love you Mom.” That and a big smile but that’s just the way she is and I know she will talk about it in her own time.
The girls know that I have a blog…Cam has her own blog, by the way. I told them what was going on and how there were some wonderful people trying to help us get to Disney World and that I hope we would get there before I have to start treatment. I love them because they were concerned about missing school and ruining their perfect attendance records and told me we couldn’t go until after school was over in June.
We talked about chemotherapy and the seriousness of how sick I am this time. I think they understand now…this trip isn’t going to wait until June.
A little later Teenie came into the living room with a teal ribbon she made from paper and colored with a teal crayon. On the ribbon with red crayon she wrote the word “SURVIVER”. Just eight years old and she knows way too much about teal ribbons, ovarian cancer and “survivers”. Yes, I know she spelled it wrong…but she’s got the spirit.
This picture was taken last March after I told Teenie I had cancer for the second time. She was six and had made a teal ribbon out of Magnetix.
Let’s hope she’s right…and that I’m a SURVIVER.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Colin Brooks 04.11.08 at 7:01 am
You ARE a surviver! We’re all here for you! Your girls sound like angels. You have a wonderful family and that photo of Teenie is the cutest thing ever!
*hugs*
Colin Brooks’s last blog post..cutting school to enjoy the sun
Kyra 04.11.08 at 7:02 am
You will be. You have the very best reasons to fight. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine. I faced a possible cancer diagnosis when I was pregnant with my youngest, and I remember being absolutely out of my mind with worry for my children. The place you are at now is so far beyond that, I cannot even imagine what you are going through.
Kyra’s last blog post..Too Close For Comfort
Miss Britt 04.11.08 at 7:21 am
I don’t know whether to cry, “awww”, or start singing the Karaoke to you.
Which would you prefer?
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Sucking. At Life.
Captain Steve 04.11.08 at 7:48 am
I’m new here, I found you via Miss Britt, and can I join in on the karoake if there is some? Because I feel useless otherwise. And I cried. I’m sorry you had to have that talk with your kids.
Captain Steve’s last blog post..Pity Party, Table for One
Rona Michelson 04.11.08 at 8:22 am
I am paying that your daughter has the gift of prophecy! Now that I have seen you on video, I know how special you must be to your family and to others who love you. I am sure that there are people all around the world sending you support and strength. I know I plan to be reading your blog for the next 20 years or so (’til my eyes give out).
geek 04.11.08 at 8:28 am
we love ya.
geek’s last blog post..I am so boring
Poppy 04.11.08 at 8:59 am
That photo is byoo-teenie-ful.
Myra 04.11.08 at 9:14 am
I looked up “surviver” in the dictionary, and there — right beside your picture — was this entry:
surviver [ser-vahy-ver] n. See lisa @ http://www.clusterfook.com.
What a coincidence…NOT!!!
Karl 04.11.08 at 9:29 am
Wow, thought you were waiting until after Disney to tell them, but I applaud you for doing what had to be done. Cannot imagine how hard that must have been for you and your husband.
Karl’s last blog post..100 Things About Karl, Part Three
Tug 04.11.08 at 9:39 am
Kids are just amazing little humans, aren’t they? Many hugs to you and your family, and YES, you ARE a surviver!!
Tug’s last blog post..Hell could blow away while Tug begs.
DutchBitch 04.11.08 at 10:06 am
OMG… I can’t imagine having to sit down my kid and tell him something like that. You and your husband do an amazing job with the kids. And they love you, that’s abundantly clear!!!
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Inconclusive
Carol 04.11.08 at 11:12 am
I just found you through Nick’s Bytes, then through Miss Ann Thrope.
I have read some of your recent posts and was deeply moved.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. The huge community that cares about you probably can’t cure the cancer (although I hope the medical community and your own body can), but know that love from a lot of people surrounds you in a big, fluffy cloud.
wafelenbak 04.11.08 at 12:01 pm
I’m crying a little too, but you must be so proud of what strong, wonderful children you have. Warm wishes and hugs to you.
yoshi 04.11.08 at 12:40 pm
You know when I saw the title of the post, I didn’t even realize it was spelled wrong at all. I guess my brain registered it as the right spelling. Go figure.
And you are a surviver, no doubt about it. Your kids are awesome too. Very cute!
yoshi’s last blog post..TGIF
annie 04.11.08 at 1:06 pm
That must be so hard for them, but yet, they don’t know a whole lot different. That’s sad, yet it’s OK, too. Kids are so resilient, but yours are especially awesome.
annie’s last blog post..Don’t Be an Ass
that girl 04.11.08 at 1:07 pm
YES! You are a surviver, I know you’re going to make it with and for and alongside your kids.
Would love to help in any way, just holla!
that girl’s last blog post..Happy Un-Birthday to You!
sizzle 04.11.08 at 2:26 pm
Kids know more than we tell them, don’t they? So intuitive.
Hoping for you and for your family.
Girlinthecrosswalk 04.11.08 at 2:34 pm
Dear Lisa,
I <3 you and am trying to send you any good energy/vibes that I have.
Love,
Girl
Dear Teeny and Cam,
You are the sweetest kids ever. I can tell from all of these blog pages. I am so sorry you have to go through this again. But, Mom wasn’t lying when she said it wouldn’t be the same. Because nothing is ever the same. Things are always different. You’ve gotten through this once and it wasn’t easy, but you know you can do it now. So, this time it might be just a tiny, tiny bit easier. Give your mom lots of hugs because she needs them right now. And just remember… Kung-fu Shrimp.
All the love in the entire universe,
GITC
Girlinthecrosswalk’s last blog post..Good news and Bad news.
Christine 04.11.08 at 3:35 pm
I hope that you all have a fantastic time in Disney-and that the girls can see every princess, and just have the best time ever. I hope that you all have the best family trip ever.
I am sending huge hugs to your girls, and to you and dude…
Chatty 04.11.08 at 3:44 pm
Lisa, you have great kids.
ocb 04.11.08 at 4:19 pm
Not only will you be a SURVIVER you will be the bestest SURVIVER evar!
ocb’s last blog post..Because we can!
cajunvegan 04.11.08 at 7:53 pm
I am humbled and feeling like a POS right now in light of this post.
Lisa, you are a SURVIVER. And, your children are so lucky to have you as their mom.
cajunvegan’s last blog post..Thankless
Summer 04.11.08 at 7:57 pm
I am a new reader of your blog, found you through bluepaintred. You have a wonderful spirit and I can see why so many love you. Stay strong but don’t be afraid to lean on people either. Sending you good vibes.
Summer’s last blog post..Eugene O’Kelly
J. 04.16.08 at 11:45 am
Your kids are awesome.
Big hugs to you babe.
J.’s last blog post..Monday Stuff