Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas. ~Shoseki
When I started blogging in 2005 I was very careful never to use my first name, never to mention where I live and never cross my real life with my blog life. Now that last part sound ridiculous - “my real life with my blog life”. I’ve always blogged about my real life so where exactly did I draw the line?
As time went by I decided to drop my pseudonym and start using my real name. It just felt weird calling myself anything other than “Lisa” although those of you who knew me back in the beginning of my blogging days still say I fit that name to a “T”.
I’ve carefully guarded my blog as well never granting access to family member and friends because God forbid they see that I use the “f”-word. Even worse they may actually find out what goes on in the inner workings of my mind. In reality, my family and friends know exactly what goes on in my head…sometimes better than I do.
Over the past six months I’ve been letting some of my family members and close friends read Clusterfook and so far haven’t felt any retribution. Quite frankly I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve got nothing to hide and nothing is taboo. I look at it this way…love me or leave me.
However recently my dad has been asking for the URI of my blog so that he can “keep up” with me. I tried to explain that this blog isn’t one of those blogs. This is an open book, raw and unadulterated, sometimes brash and offensive but always true to who I am. I suppose if he can accept that then he would be O.K. with some of my entries.
This is my blog, my domain and I’m free to write any way I choose. It would be his choice to read, right?
What would you do?
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Having adequately warned him, I would let him read it. That way he remains part of your life. I imagine that you would want to know what your daughters were experiencing. As long as he knows that you are writing in a raw and real way, then you have warned him and the rest is up to him.
I think that depends on how comfortable you are with your dad seeing you as something more than his daughter.
My mom reads my blog. My dad has the link, although I don’t think he reads it. I’ve had to come to accept the fact that if my stats are to be believed, 110 people from the town I used to live in are reading my blog.
And they may not like me. They make misconstrue what I say.
But that’s more about THEM than it is ME.
Miss Britts last blog post..Climb
I’m the wrong person to ask… my blog is so superficial that it doesn’t matter to me who reads it. A good chunk of my family does, and that’s okay by me.
No way would I let anyone I know read my blog. It’s the only place I can be myself. Totally. Completely.
No one, and I mean NO ONE knows I have a blog. I am not hiding, I’m just being.
If family asked me do I have a blog, the answer would be no. I don’t lie, but I do for this. (Ask my kids, they know that if you don’t want to hear the truth, then don’t ask me the question.)
I don’t want to defend what I have to say on my blog. To anyone. Ever. And if family wanted to read my blog, I would be spending so much time trying to defend myself, my feelings, my identity, I would end up shutting it down.
And right now, I need a safe place to be me.
I would let give him the URL. Like you said, it’s his choice to read it or not.
I started my blog the same way and wrestle with who might stumble upon my blog. I chose to put it on my facebook profile. (The friends only one.)
I’d warn your dad. Just let him this isn’t his adorable little innocent girl writing. I’m pretty sure he knows who you are. It’s his choice to read it.
My daughter knows all about mine, but I don’t think she ever reads it. I would let my dad read it, but NEVER my mom - she twists things around, lays on the guilt for no reason, feels guilty for no reason, totally turns martyr at the drop of a hat - so I guess the way I feel is depends on how he’ll react and whether or not you’re OK with that.
Perhaps you could show him one post and let him go from there. Find a post where you really ranted and went off and if he chooses to read after reading a “teaser” post, then atleast that way he’ll know what he’s in for.
Bs last blog post..Small Acts Of Kindness
I don’t think you have something to hide but of course it really depends on the type of relationship you have with your father.
I have kept my blog secret from family and friends. I like to keep things separate. I have told my brother about it and even gave him the URL but he’s never read any of my posts. He’s simply not interested.
In my “real life” (and I use the quotes because, like yours, my blog is about my real life) I don’t talk about my feelings the way I write about them on my blog. My best friend knows about my blog but in her case there is nothing I don’t tell her. She knows everything about me and I know everything about her and we understand each other on a level that no one in my family would ever be able to understand.
It’s all about how comfortable you would feel about him reading your posts and if that would mean you’d have to change the way you write because he would read it. It’s different for every person I suppose.
Colin Brookss last blog post..the iq of a cow
I stopped being anonymous a long, long time ago. My mother reads my blog, as does my brother and my daughters (I think). It’s easy to find, just type in my name.com and it forwards to secondhandkarl.com
It’s a little weird knowing that my family reads the blog, but I made a vow to myself that I won’t change my writing style because of it.
If your dad wants to read your blog, I say let him. You’ve given him the proper disclaimers. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to read it.
Karls last blog post..The Compass
My dad has read my blog, but I don’t think he does anymore. In my head it makes me a little uncomfortable, but mostly not, because I’d tell him everything I put in my blog anyways and make him uncomfortable that way too.
Captain Steves last blog post..To the Pain!
I gave my dad the link a long while ago and am now coming to regret it. A lot. Mostly backlash from his wife, I think, but if my dad is the messenger then what am I to do?
On the other hand surely your dad is different than mine and hopefully in really good ways.
Kizzs last blog post..Sustainable Celluloid
That’s a really tough one. At times I would let my family read my blog, but then there are times when I need my blog as my escape, where I can write about things I may not even talk about. If I knew my family was reading my blog, I’d have a difficult time writing about some family issues & that has been a main function of my blog.
You seem very upfront & “it is what it is” type of person, so having your family read your blog may very well work for you.
Whatever choice you make, I’m sure it will be the right one for you.
janes last blog post..
It depends on your relationship with your dad. Like take, my kids, I’m “open” with them. we don’t have secrets. My own mother, complete opposite.
I think maybe if your dad WANTS to know, he WANTS to know you better. That’s usually a good thing, like, “for better or for worse”, it can make a stronger relationship.
annies last blog post..I Know You Don’t Come Here for Thought Provoking Conversation…
i am the opposite of you. my first domain actually had my real name in it. as i got older, i decided i wanted a bit more anonymity — that that would make me feel more comfortable to say how i really felt about things. i used to let friends and family know the location of my site, now i don’t readily do that.
my only advice is that once you give someone that access, you can’t undo it. if you’re having these doubts about your father, my feeling would be to go with your gut. you obviously felt comfortable with some friends and family reading, but this (your dad) is giving you pause. i’d take that as a sign.
shes last blog post..Things, Weekend, Whatever
You would have to ask this today, right? I just started a non-protected blog (have had a friends only one for 3.5 years) and I’m having the debate with myself. I don’t intend to give the url to family or people I know IRL, though I’m writing as though they were reading it or would in the future. If your gut is telling you no, then I would say no, but say you’ll revisit the issue in a few months if he’s still interested. Tough call!
HeatherKs last blog post..Onward.
Lisa, this is totally off topic. Forgive me if you shared this and I missed it, but I’m wondering what happened with your job?
I’ve often thought of opening up my blog, but it’s the place where I vent about my family and friends. LOL I used to go by my first name, but it is so unique, it would be the first thing to show in a google search.
I am in the no camp, but it’s up to you what you want to share and to whom.
My blog started out as a way for my parents to keep up. Sort of, anyway.
It quickly went to hell in a hand basket though.
My family doesn’t know about my stalking blog. They only know about the ‘other’ blog where I do ppp and review crap. I would pee my pants if they even knew. I got nothing for ya girl.
usedtobemes last blog post..No Post Today
Considering simple three words on Google brought your website up choices 2 and 3…If he is savvy enough he can figure it out, OR you can tell him…it is your choice.
Well, I face this now. My mom reads and my daughter (16) reads and my aunt and cousin read. A short while ago I wrote a post saying that I wasn’t going to sensor myself for them anymore. And if there is a post that I think they may not want to read (ie about my sex life with my husband), I warn them ahead of time. Life’s too f-ing short. It’s my blog. I’m sure there are other family and friends that read because I am all over the Internet (ie Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, etc.) with links to my blog. If they don’t like what I have to say, fuck them. Don’t read.
For the record? I wish my dad could read my blog. I started it because of him.
That’s my 4 cents.
Shellis last blog post..Our Watery Weekend
I dont know about this one, If my mom read mine, there would be issues. I guess its all about what kind of parent/person he is… Not much good I am, I know…
geeks last blog post..Best day ever
I am the exact opposite of you. I started blogging and used my name. And then people at work started reading. And I really didn’t want to risk getting in trouble. Not that I write anything worth getting in trouble over, but you never know.
So I killed my great, wonderful domain and went anonymous. However, my friends know where I blog and read. My mother? I’m sure I’ve linked her to an odd post or two, but I have no evidence she reads.
I find myself struggling to be honest and then worrying what people will think. And if I describe someone without naming names, I risk them freaking out. “Is it me? Is it me?”
I’m sorry. I’m going on about me and that’s not what you asked. I would link him to a blogger’s disclaimer, and then, if he still wants your URL, I’d give it.
dizs last blog post..I am not my things - but I sure do like them!
My brother helped me create my blog and my mom has read my blog from day one. I let them both know at the time, that I will be completely who I am. I will talk about things in my life that they might not like or understand, but it’s me and it’s who I am.
They’ve been really great, have never judged me or treated me differently for what I say on the blog.
My dad and The Aunts in Vegas have NO idea how to use a computer. Otherwise, I would let them read it too.
I have a few friends in Vegas who read the blog to “keep up with me” and my life here. I’m OK with that too.
I’ve yet to give anyone here in Louisville my blog addy. I don’t know them well enough yet
Sodapops last blog post..What a good day!
MY blog was private as well … until I started writing about hubby’s cancer. Then every single member of his family and mine started to read my most private thoughts. There were times I seriously upset some of them … I was going through the worst period of my life .. and as a writer I expressed every dark emotion I had in my writing. What they needed to realize is that I didn’t invite them to read my blog … they wanted to read it. Anything I said couldn’t be taken personally.
I still try and stay as private as possible from the outside world. But I stopped caring which of my family members read my thoughts. Afterall … if famliy can’t be there to support and love you no matter what you’re going through … who can?
Rona, True. I would want to know what my daughters are doing.
Miss Britt, Great point…that if the people from your town don’t like what they read then it’s about them not you.
Dave2, You discuss your travels and bits of daily living so is it really that superficial? In comparison to me maybe because I pour my heart out.
Mattie, I used to feel like that and then I really got real. What’s wrong with being who you are out “there”? You shouldn’t have to defend how you feel because how you feel is valid.
Jen, That’s what I was thinking
Nat, I think I told him I use the “f” word a lot…although I haven’t used it lately.
Tug, Same here…I think my mom would probably get things twisted as well.
B, That’s an excellent idea.
Colin, Dude is the same way…he’s just not interested. I’ve reached the point in my life where I have nothing to hide and I feel as if my time is limited so I don’t want to hide anything.
Karl, Great point that you make about writing style because I don’t want mine to change based on the fact that family and friends are reading.
Captain Steve, I tell every one the things that I write about so it’s not like I’m holding back.
Kizz, That’s a shame that you are dealing with backlash. Did you have any idea that was going to happen?
Jane, I am an “it is what it is” person so you are probably right but like you my blog is also my escape. That being said the people in my life have to realize that the blog is just a fraction of my thoughts.
annie, I think you are right…I think he feels like he’s “missing out” on something.
She, Point well taken.
HeatherK, My writing has changed over the past few months in the respect that if family and friends were to read what would they say. I guess I was thinking about what would happen.
Pam, I was actually going to write about that in my next post
Chatty, I know you use your blog as a place to blow off steam so I completely understand your answer.
Delmer, We always start out with good intentions and quickly go down hill…
usedtobeme, I understand where you are coming from because you need your blog to vent about all of them.
Jessica, My blog can’t be found under my real name so my dad isn’t going to find it by Google.
Shelli, I started mine because of menopause.
Sodapop, That’s one of the things I like about your writing…you stay true to who you are.
Willow, That’s why I shut down my very public cancer blog.
Lisas last blog post..Access Denied
So far my younger brother is the only one in my family who reads my blog, and only because he managed to dig up my URL somehow. If I thought one of my parents was reading it I would probably block their IP address.
Iron Fists last blog post..rule of thumb for finding a different park bench
If other family has it won’t they just give him the link anyways??
I like to stay anonymous(ish). Most people on my blog know who I am, but it stays private from my “real” life people. I wouldn’t be comfortable blogging if I knew family were reading it.
Vikkis last blog post..Too Much
an idea — you could start a http://www.caringbridge.org site that just updates on your illness for family memebers. that would be a way to make everyone happy.
shes last blog post..Ask She Wednesdays #4!
This is why I have two blogs. One for family and friends to “keep up” and the other to let it all out.
Oddly, I don’t mind the people who read my anonymous blog going over and checking out the other one. I just don’t want some people who read the non-anonymous one to cross over to the anonymous one.
Mrs. Swizzles last blog post..I’ve Been a Mother of Two for a Year
I’m kind of in the same position — my blog is about my psychotic extended family and I would NEVER let them know the URL. My mother knows, but then she knows what a nutcase her sister is.
I guess if your dad can deal with unadulterated discussions of life, then let him have it, but ya warned him beforehand, ya know?
I would be hung in the town square if my relatives found my blog. LOL Maybe after I leave their town I’ll let them know that I have been blogging about what rotten POS they are.
Hope you are well.
prisspantss last blog post..Another Surgery!
I feel the same way you do. I really felt hesitant about sharing too much identifying information on my blog, but I now feel like “What the hell?” If someone sees it that knows me and they don’t like it, F them!
I am enjoying reading your blog and I look forward to more.
~Tracy
Tracys last blog post..I wanna be popped!
If you’re that worried about offending your dad or making him question things, explain that to him. Don’t beat around the bush, as it were. Just say, in no uncertain terms, “dad, I’ve written some stuff on my blog that I’m not sure you’d enjoy. It’s not necessarily a way to keep up with my goings on; it’s an outlet.” If he still wants to read, just say you warned him and let him have at it. Some people just need to learn the hard way.
Sadly, my family has known about my blog since before it was a blog (static HTML diary). I feel the need to not disclose quite as much as I otherwise might if I had been anonymous at some point in my online history.
kapgars last blog post..You come from out of nowhere…
Iron Fist, I used to feel that way about family and friends…BLOCK THE IP!!! Now I give the URL away freely but I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t know how much time I have left so I don’t want to shut anyone out.
Vikki, There was a time when I felt like you did but if I can’t say something to someone’s face then I’m not going to blog about it.
She, You are the second person to send me that link. I have an email list set up to update everyone who doesn’t have my blog address. That way my husband can send a group email should something happen to me.
Mrs. Swizzle, Don’t you ever worry that the two will cross?
Prisspants, Yes, he has been warned. I love the comments about your family…lol.
Tracy, Thanks so much Tracy!
Kapgar, I understand how you feel about disclosure. There’s a part of me that feels like I can’t be as candid but I tune out the fact that family and friends are reading and just stay true to who I am.