He’s good. She’s good. He’s just Duckie. ~Pretty In Pink
Remember the movie “Pretty In Pink” where Andie Walsh, played by Molly Ringwald is from the other side of the tracks and is constantly taunted by the rich girls? Well, this scene has been constantly playing over and over in my head for the past week. Just for the record…I loved that movie and dyed my hair the same color as Molly Ringwald’s hair. I even started wearing a ton of pink too.
The difference between Andie Walsh and I was that I grew up in an upper-middle class neighborhood. I had everything I needed and everything I wanted. At the time it never occurred to me what side of the tracks I lived on because I didn’t see people that way. Looking back I can know see that the friends I had were also from upper-middle class families. Perhaps we were just all in the same school classes or after school clubs. Or maybe subconsciously I did see a difference.
Last week my daughter went to a science camp that was held at one of the middle schools in our school district. The same school district where I went to high school. Every day when we went to pick her up I noticed we passed some HUGE homes.
I also took notice to the very fancy and luxurious cars of the parents picking up their children that were in the parking lot. It’s not that Dude or I drive beat up, old cars. He drives a Toyota and I drive a Honda…both pretty nice cars, but they are not a Lexxus or Mercedes of which I saw many. I also noticed the way the other parents were dressed. Again, we don’t dress like paupers but when people are wealthy they tend to dress that way. There was an obvious difference between us and them.
On the last day of camp there was an open house for the children to show off the experiments and projects they worked on all week. At the open house I ran into an old friend I went to high school with. In high school we lived in the same neighborhood but I remember she was pretty poor compared to the rest of us. In fact I remember that she had to borrow a prom gown one year because she couldn’t afford one.
I said, “hello” and was pretty excited to see her. Then she asked me where I lived. That’s when the conversation went south quickly because I apparently live on the wrong side of the tracks. She, on the other hand lives in one of the wealthy new developments on the right side of the tracks. SERIOUSLY.
It never occurred to me that the railroad tracks…and river…were the class dividing line in our school district. It also never occurred to me that I was considered as part of the lower class for living on this side of the tracks.
Me? Low class? There is no way.
So now my kids have been labeled as low class because they are from the other side of the tracks. My oldest one starts middle school in September and she is starting out like Andie Walsh…Pretty In Pink…because pink is her favorite color. Now if I could only find her a friend like Duckie.
It was never my intention to stay in this neighborhood. I went back to school in 2002 so that I could get a better job. I never thought I’d get cancer and I never thought the economy would be this bad six years later. Unfortunately things drastically changed.
I had a long talk with my children about living in such a small house and living in this neighborhood. They told me that they love this house. They told me that they don’t want a big house. Teenie told me that one of her friends has a big house and her friend’s father is always at work, making money to pay for the house.
They both told me that they don’t care what other people think. They both told me that they would rather have two parents at home who love them than have two parents constantly working to put a BIG roof over their heads.
My little neighborhood is far from low class. We are the working class just like most of the United States. I’m not sure how my town got labeled the way it did but how fortunate am I that I have kids who think the way they do? That will get them very far in life. So perhaps I screwed up my master plan to get us out of this neighborhood and over to the other side of the tracks but I must have done something right with those kids of mine.
So why can’t I get the theme song from “Pretty In Pink” out of my head? Duckie???
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Life has a way of changing things pretty quickly doesn’t it? I have been lamenting lately about trying to stuff my 3br/2ba worth of furnishings into a 2br/1ba home, then I think….hmmmm, 4 months ago I was homeless with no where to live. Yeah, I think I can make it work!
Blondefabulouss last blog post..Stupid Is As Stupid Does….
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Pretty in Pink is one of my favorite movies, of all time.
You should be should be so proud to have those two girls. They sound like they have their heads on straight and don’t give a damn what anyone thinks.
Could I borrow one to “train” my oldest kidlet?
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I live in a poorer neighbourhood, because I like older buildings and can afford the rent, but people raise their eyebrows when they find out where I live, and sometimes I can see the judgement and their interest in continuing to talk to me drop. It’s sad, really, to lack any kind of adventurous spirit, which is what it takes to step outside your comfortable class zone.
Your kids sound so intelligent to understand what having a smaller house in their neighbourhood brings into their lives.
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I was fortunate enough to be right in the middle in high school. I really thought all of that classist crap went out with the 80’s but wow, what a Pollyanna I am, huh?
I’m glad your children have their heads screwed on totally straight and hope they can ignore anyone who gives them any guff for living in a small house full of gee…love and warmth.
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I live in an older neighborhood on the nice side of my town. When people hear I’m from this side of town, they think, “rich,” but when I tell them where I actually live, they think, “isn’t that where the shooting was a couple years ago?” It is, it was a domestic. But, yeah. No one really wants to be my neighbor.
Thing is, except for a couple of bad apples, this really is a nice “starter neighborhood,” but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to the day when we can buy some land out in the county and build our dream house. I’m already collecting ideas for our “forever house” as I call it. It’s going to be an “American foursquare” style building, but built new so that it has important things like closets and a master bathroom and a powder room on the first floor. And I’m going to let my husband go crazy and put all his high tech computer stuff in the basement, where we’ll have the home theater…..
See what I mean?
It sounds like you’ve got good kids, and that’s worth a lot more than a McMansion. Besides, who wants to clean 6,000 square feet?
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
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Wow, that was touching. So much so that I got tears in my eyes.
I don’t even have words…
You are awesome!
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Your girls are awesome… Gee, I wonder where they get it?
Tugs last blog post..Mondays SUCK the big one.
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People always need something to make themselves feel superior. Apparently, she is making up for when she is a child and that is sad.
I think this mentality went a long way to create the problems in the housing market we have today. So, you’re right, it’s a house and you have them in a good school district. They are clearly good kids and you should be very proud.
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I watched that movie just last week…! And I do believe I have the soundtrack on cassette somewhere.
I never saw much of that classist mentality in highschool. Then again, I was kind of odd in that I had friends of all different groups and cliques. It wouldn’t have mattered all that much to me if someone’s parents dropped them off in a new BMW — or a beat up Ford Pinto. I’m certainly much more aware of that type of thought now as an adult.
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Lisa, reading your kids’ comments really warmed my heart. They have already learned, at their young ages, that having parents who love you and are around is more important than a big house. Wow. I know many adults who haven’t quite figured that one out.
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Lisa, you have incredible kids–I know you know this but your daughters did exactly as people with kind hearts should do. They ignored both the artificial and geographical lines others are using to judge people, instead sticking to how someone acts toward others and what their personalities are like when looking at those around them.
I was once dumped by a boyfriend for living on the wrong side of the tracks (literally, in the small town I grew up in) because his parents didn’t want him dating me. He was 32 at the time.
Some people never get past the geography.
PandoraWildes last blog post..Not so instant replay
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You have some truly amazing kids. I always tell my oldest (9) that it doesn’t matter how much money you have or what kind of clothes you wear. I tell him that you can’t take any of these things with you when you leave this world.
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If more so called GROWN people were more like your girls this world would be an entirely better place.
My kids have friends who live in BIG house and the payments to along with it. My daughter wanted to invite those friends to her birthday party, and I was so worried about it, because we live in a trailer. But I wouldn’t trade my trailer and big ass yard in the country with no neighbors for theirs anyday. WELL maybe if it was GIVEN to me and they paid for my utilities. (I can be bought)
But like you said daddys and mommys have to work all the time to fund that life style. We both work for the extras.
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Your kids are awesome! They know the true “value” of how they live. It’s not where you live or how much money you have, it’s that you do the best with what you have and enjoy it in the meantime.
A lot of us make sacrifices to spend on other things besides that house in that certain “right” neighborhood, like you did for your schooling. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I often think “Class” is a state of mind, things like NOT being a snob and being gracious and being polite to people in public, simple things that have nothing to do with your credit card balance.
Your kids have class.
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I had no idea that there were still “wrong side of tracks” I loved Pretty In Pink…but now Duckie plays a dad and Blane is a rich bastard, Stef is a nutjob attorney and Andi – going to be the mom of a pregnant teen. when did they get old
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My girlfriends and I have a name for those people… we call them the “kitten heel” moms since they wear kitten heels with their brand-spanking new jeans to preschool pick-up instead of sweats or pajamas like a normal over-worked mom. I’ve had that conversation with my kids, since we are also the po’ folk in my family as well. My kids agree with yours; they’d rather live in our tiny house (3 BR/1.5 BA for a family of 6) than be in a big house and have parents never around.
The kids of the kitten heels are missing out on a LOT I think. And all the violin lessons and art classes and polo at the club won’t make up for it.
Also, yes, still want to interview you. Just d me an email and I’ll shoot you my list of questions.
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We were a family of 9 living in a three-bedroom, ONE bathroom house. My dad worked two jobs – I don’t think I saw him much between the ages of 10 and 17.
My mother worked evenings at the ice cream shoppe. So, the only time I really saw her was on the weekends and summers.
My youngest brother and sister are 12 and 13 years younger than me. Because I took care of them, they thought I was their mom.
We were poor. We did not know that we were poor. We were happy. We all had each other. That’s all that mattered.
(I did not realize that we were poor until I was about 18. I had no clue!)
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Our former neighbors recently bought a huge house for just under 900K. To make the mortgage payment, he now travels to Asia on business for 6 to 8 weeks at a time. When he does come home, it’s seldom for more than a long weekend. She’s worried that people will be envious, but frankly, I’d rather live in a little house WITH my husband than in a mansion ALONE!
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BF, Every day I feel fortunate to have a roof over my head.
Vikki, I think life experience has taught them a lot and the discipline of martial arts has taught them a lot as well.
Schmutzie, We shouldn’t be judged by where we live. Unfortunately many people are all about material things and living in the right neighborhoods.
Hilly, Unfortunately it’s back BIG TIME. It’s all about the “haves” and “have-nots”. There middle class is just about wiped out in this country and we have been equally divided into two classes…UPPER AND LOWER.
At least that’s how I see it and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Amy, Yes, I used to live in a starter neighborhood to until we had the housing boom and everyone who could afford to move bailed. What happened was that a completely different type of class of people moved in.
I’ve had to deal with two different drug dealers on my block in the past five years…and I got rid of them both.
So people equate my block with drugs.
Kate, When I think about how good those girls of mine are I get tears in my eyes.
Tug, They get if from being surrounded by people who love them dearly and people who are a positive influence on their lives.
Denice, Well said. If you only knew the battle over taxes that we have in our school district between the McMansion owners who pay a lot more than those of us with tiny little homes. They want all of us to be assessed the same.
Why should I pay $7,000 a year in taxes for 1,800 sq. ft. while someone with 6,000 sq. ft. also pays $7,000 a year? Seems a little lopsided to me.
James R., I think if there wasn’t such a disparity in income in our school district the kids wouldn’t notice either but there is. The median income for my town is $32,000 year and the median income for the other town is $85,000 year.
That’s a big difference.
Sharon, I only hope that they really get it. I realize that they are going to have moments when it affects them but for the most part they are pretty grounded.
PandoraWilde, That’s horrible that someone broke up with you because you were from the wrong side of town. Ridiculous. And the fact that he was 32 just makes him even more pathetic.
Missy Wiggins, That’s a great thing to tell your child! I’ll have to remember that one as well.
MrsRobbieD, It’s true that if you want the bigger home you are going to have the bigger payments which is why Dude and I haven’t left this house. We have a ridiculously low mortgage. To triple that monthly payment would kill us.
annie, Thank you annie. I’d like to think that they have some class as well. They know how to treat people with respect and kindness no matter who they are.
Libragirl, Love the synopsis of the characters!
Cindy, Great name…Kitten Heel Moms. It’s all about the fashion show, isn’t it?
Mattie, Wouldn’t be great if kids could grow up that way today?
Kim, I think if I were her I’d be worried if the neighbors thought she were stupid for putting herself and her family in such a horrible financial situation in addition to a poor family structure without a father.
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We (me, borg and our 11yr old LE) live on the same block I was born and raised on. We are middle class but our small town is central to 2 major cities. Alot of big money has moved into town in the last 10 yrs. Her friends parents are Drs. Att. business people. We work for a grocery store. It’s tough for her to understand that we chose different paths in life. Our parents didn’t (couldn’t)send us to college and that’s ok. We work hard and make an honest living. But girls today are carrying coach and wearing gucci sunglasses. But I proud of what we have and hope we’re teaching her to never feel less because mom and dad aren’t rich. I think we’re doing a pretty good job.Just like you are!!!
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“And the fact that he was 32 just makes him even more pathetic.”
That’s exactly what I told his ass when he had the nerve to tell me why he was breaking up with me.
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Usually the ones who choose to label an area like that (that isn’t in your face, wrong side of the tracks with garbage piled up everywhere) are the insecure types who are probably pretty close to it themselves. Think about the average amount of debt people have, and how many credit cards and the like people are/were able to take out – and that most didn’t do it for medical reasons, but for that pool, or that car, or that designer label.
People who need to show they have money either don’t really have it, or aren’t worth your time in the firstplace (Think about Warren Buffet – richest guy in the world, still living in a house he bought 30 yrs ago for something like 60k? Still drives his own car, keeps things quiet, etc?)
Ignore the people who shove money in your face. Your children are going to be watching their peers lose their homes in the mortgage/credit crisis – which is incredibly sad.
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I like the wrong side of the tracks. I wouldn’t have it any other way. From the sound of it, your kids would agree with me.
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I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. I grew up, in a wealthy town, but, my parents both worked, and we had a 3 bedroom, split level home. It wasn’t all that big. My best friend in High School, lived in a giant 4 bedroom home, and even had her own attached bathroom to her room. Her first car, was a 7 year old, Mercedes Benz, and her mom forced her to get a nose job. Yep, at 16, the big thing in my high school was to get your nose fixed. The girls obsessed over it. When you see me, you know that i didn’t get my nose fixed up.
But, I like my nose. It is part of me.
Anyway, I moved out of that town, because I just didn’t feel comfortable there. We ended buying a house, near Glassboro, not it in, outside of it, in a very developing town, and now, I am driving the Toyota, while my kids friends ride around in Mercedes Benz, or Caddy Escalades, all souped up. Their friends have are are putting in 40 – 60 grand pools in their backyards. We are not poor, we have a nice house, in fact it is much larger than my parents house, but, we just don’t have the extra money for those big ticket items. I am worried what High School will be like for them. I hated HS, I never fit in, I had the wrong clothes the wrong car…(now, I may be way better off than some of them, now, though). I totally get you on this one!
I like what your girls said! It is so true! It doesn’t matter if you have a big or little house, or an expensive car, it matters how much love your children grow up in, and it seems to me that you are doing just right in that area, and that is how I would measure my worth.
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great girls you’ve raised there. we have the same dilemma of small town, fixer upper in a school district full of mcmansions. eh. I kinda like it this way.
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I’m curious what district and railroad tracks you’re talking about. You’ll have to email me.
Your kids sound wonderfully grounded. You’ve obviously done a great job with them.
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Lisa: I didn’t see the movie (I just added to my blockbuster online list!!!) but I know exactly what you’re talking about.
I live in Boca Raton, FL, and there’re so many idiots like your old friend from school. I can’t stand them!!!! When you talk to them it is like being screened by the FBI. They ask so many questions!!! They feel money is “all” and they are so empty inside…. They don’t care about their kids and leave the responsibility of raising and taking care of them to somebody they hardly know because they are “too busy” making money and showing if off. SO SAD….
Your kids are lucky to have a strong family like yours and know it, and that’s why they can tell the difference.
Hugs
FERNANDA
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