God made so many different kinds of people. Why would he allow only one way to serve him? ~Martin Buber
For the past few days I’ve found myself a bit introspective, a bit sad and maybe even depressed. Although yesterday I had a Mexican lunch with my friend Dave…which rocked! I hate to admit when I’m struggling but it is what it is. Before you even ask or suggest it, yes, I’m talking to someone professionally because geez, how the hell do you face something on this scale without professional help?
I’ve even thought of seeking spiritual guidance however finding it at church just isn’t the way to go for me. My religious background is worse than a mixed breed mutt that you’d find at the local humane society. I was baptized in the Catholic Church and often went to the Catholic Church with my nana, my great-grandmother, as a young child. Sometimes I went to the Methodist Church with my father’s mother and got a dose of what the Protestants were dishing out.
My parents divorced by the time I was about five and both remarried. My mother converted to Judaism and started sending me to Hebrew school. That’s when I started attending services at the Temple with my step-grandmother every Saturday. I have fond memories of her Jewish apple cake, gefilte fish and challah bread with cream cheese. There were many weekends when I went to Temple on Saturday and the Methodist Church on Sunday. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I didn’t know if Jesus was in or if Jesus was out.
Needless to say at age six and seven I found it very confusing to read a bible in one direction on a Saturday and then read it the opposite direction on a Sunday. Just one more reason for calling this blog Clusterfook.
I remember receiving my first Torah and how I coveted it’s scrolls and gold covering. I loved the Temple and all the Jewish holidays. I always thought it was cool how I got to take days off from school for Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah early in the school year while the rest of the kids had to go to school. Back then I was the only “Jewish” kid. I loved the ceremonious celebration that went with each holiday as well.
Things got confusing though because we also celebrated the Christian holidays in our house. My mother loved Christmas and I guess she didn’t want to deny me the Christmas tree or the presents so we always had a tree in the living room…which was across the room from the Menorah. I know I received a fuckton of presents.
The same thing with Easter. I always had an Easter basket and it seemed as if Easter and Passover were forever crossing with each other causing total conflict. I’d spend the week with my mother and step-father listening to the kosher rules of no HAM, PORK, BACON or HOT DOGS. Then I’d go spend Easter weekend with my dad and step-mother…who would serve a fat ass ham.
It’s no wonder I needed years of therapy.
Now here I am as an adult with no religion but I have a lot of faith in a higher power. And I have children with no structured religion. I have one child with a very Catholic name who has a strong desire to go to the Catholic Church and be baptized. Teenie is only eight but she’s adamant about being baptized…in the Catholic Church.
Her grandmother, Dude’s mother, used to take her to church almost every Saturday evening…Saturday mass at the Catholic Church. So, those are Teenie’s memories of her grandmother and her impression of church just like my childhood memories of the Temple. I’m most comfortable in the Temple because of my childhood memories so why wouldn’t Teenie be most comfortable in the Catholic Church?
For once in my life I have to set aside what I know and what I believe. I have to put myself in Teenie’s shoes and do the right thing and I have to do it now. Like yesterday. After I post this I need to call the church and find out exactly what we need to do to get that child baptized IMMEDIATELY based on my circumstances. If they have to call the Pope to break some rules…then call the Pope.
Oh come on, you know it’s so like me to demand that they call the Pope…and I’ll rally you to call him too if we can’t get this child baptized.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Lucy 06.25.08 at 10:45 am
I’m in a similar situation with my faith/religion. Similar background growing up, but without the Judaism.
My ex-hole is Jewish and I am Christian. Since in the Jewish faith children are only considered Jewish by birth if the mother is Jewish, my children are not automatically Jews. This drove the ex-hole’s mother INSANE (and secretly? I like that it did. I hated that woman). When my children get old enough to choose I will support them in whatever faith they choose to follow.
You go call the Pope and get her baptized. That is a very smart, grown up 8 year old to know what she wants. =)
Lucys last blog post..Last Night Sucked
NYCWD 06.25.08 at 10:52 am
In the case of an emergency take a bottle of Poland Spring, splash the water while reciting the Rite of Baptism : “(Child’s Name), I baptise thee in the name of the father and the Son and of the Holy Ghost.” and done.
OR
Probably the 1st or 3rd Sunday, you’ll need a set of godparents, and of course there is the obligatory church donation for the priest. No Pope should be required.
However… I have eaten the Pope cookiee… and it tastes good.
Kyra 06.25.08 at 10:52 am
I’m unstructured too, with a diverse background growing up as well. It seemed every church I went to was first and foremost a business. This didn’t sit well with me. And then they all believed they were better than the other religions… another thing that didn’t sit well. My daughter is baptized (lutheran) and my son isn’t.
Both ask about church, because the grandparents go. My father goes because he is really angry - about god, religion, churches? I have no idea. But he goes because he is angry. And he likes to sing in a choir. My mom goes for the people, and believes in god and angels - even if she tends to disagree with their preacher.
I’m not sure what to do about my kids and church. I keep thinking I should do something, and then forget.
Kyras last blog post..Hatred
Nina 06.25.08 at 10:56 am
I think it’s great that Teenie knows what she wants. The process is much less complicated than you think - Catholics baptize babies, for heaven’s sake. She won’t need to take a test to qualify. Just call up the local rectory and tell them what Teenie wants and a priest will call you back.
Ninas last blog post..Sit n Spin
Amy 06.25.08 at 11:02 am
Poland Spring! HAHAHAH!!! Good one, NYCWD!
Lisa, after careful consideration I have diagnosed your religious affiliation as either Unitarian Universalist, or Baha’i. Both are very interesting. Google them, and let me know what you think.
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
Amys last blog post..Works for Me: Nothing
wafelenbak 06.25.08 at 11:08 am
My parents fear that they made a mistake by not raising me in a particular faith. I strongly disagree–I am eternally (ha!) grateful for the fact they let me just figure it out on my own terms.
Teenie may change her mind 5x over down the road, but at least she’ll be able to know she made her choices on her own.
Judy C 06.25.08 at 11:19 am
As a former Catholic who converted (by choice - not marriage) and a life long student of theology I sympathize with your plight. My oldest son (whose father converted to Judaism to marry me) used to go to work with my mom who cooked for the nuns at my childhood parish. He always told me he when he grew up he was going to be Catholic.
It made me want to tear my hair out.
You are a better woman than I in your handling of this.
I must say though, when I was a little girl John XXIII was pope - I went to mass every day, holy hour on Friday night, sang in the choir and was blissfully happy in my church. It sounds like Teenie feels this way, and if so, you are giving her a tremendous gift.
Judy Cs last blog post..Two Buck Death Chuck - Trader Joe’s is Silent
Sister D 06.25.08 at 11:48 am
although i’m not a practicing catholic, i was baptized at st. alphonsus and had my first holy communion, so i guess technically i’m still one. that being said, if the padre is cool with it, i will be teeny’s godmother. it would be an honor.
by the way, if you ever get a hold of the pope, can you ask that he send another bust of himself to replace the one i brought you from italy that got stolen? i feel that everyone should have a bust of the pope and that you’re getting cheated out of the experience b/c of some freakish jack-ass!
GirlintheCrosswalk 06.25.08 at 12:18 pm
Well there isn’t anything that she should have to do before getting baptized. They may want her to read a pamphlet or something. You only have to go to classes to reaffirm your faith through confirmation… oh and then there are the ones for the First Holy Communion, but not for baptism.
Good luck Teenie!
For the record, I have to say that I totally understand the religious weirdness. Personally I was raised Wiccan, indentured to Mennonites, outwardly professed Christianity, lived with two Jewish families and one Muslim family, and went through countless Catholic, Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, Evangelical, regular Brethren, and Pentecostal homes. Religion just divides people.
Asthmagirl 06.25.08 at 12:20 pm
As a survivor of the Catholic Church, I really admire your determination to have your daughter baptized. Good for you.
I raised all three of my daughters without religion or influence because I wanted them to have a choice. One does attend a non denominational church, one is like me… with an internal faith that does not depend on a spiritual advisor or man made temples. The last has not decided yet.
If you do talk with the pope, please give him my regards and don’t mention my whereabouts!
I’m glad that you’re talking with someone and I hope that it’s helping. You sound very balanced!
Asthmagirls last blog post..ABC Wednesday
metalmom 06.25.08 at 12:36 pm
NYCWD and Nina are totally right. It’s never too late to get a convert according to the church. They will usually perform a baptism without too many requirements.
metalmoms last blog post..Old Woman
Tug 06.25.08 at 12:56 pm
I don’t have the pope on speed dial, but I can probably change that if need be, just say the word.
Tugs last blog post..Tuesday
EDW 06.25.08 at 1:00 pm
I just want to hug you for supporting your daughter like this. What an amazing mom you are.
It should not be a problem to get your daughter baptized, but I say this from the perspective of a practicing Catholic in a non-insane diocese. However, if they give you any shit, let me know. We’ve got a priest in the family who will do it. Actually, two!
EDWs last blog post..Girls, what’s my weakness?
annie 06.25.08 at 1:26 pm
It’s Catholic, all you gotta do is pay the fee.
You flash the right bills, you can get anything from them. Except maybe, sainthood. You still gotta “qualify” to get that.
annies last blog post..I Feel I Must Change the Tone of this Blog
Denice 06.25.08 at 2:22 pm
I am a Catholic, because I am too lazy to look into another church. I don’t go, but my mom takes the kids to classes. I gave up when they wouldn’t let me baptize my youngest.
I am Catholic, my 2 oldest are baptized, but then, they started throwing a shitfit over the Godparents. One was Catholic and one wasn’t, that’s okay. But they wanted a letter from the church the potential Godfather, went to, a copy of the baptismal certificate and still would not let me baptize my son. Again, not because of me or my behavior, but some stick-in-the-mud guidelines they added. Goodluck to you and if you learn the trick to getting Teenie baptized with the new roles, let me know.
Denices last blog post..Internet Love Song, Part I
MrsRobbieD 06.25.08 at 2:27 pm
Looking back I think its more our grandparents that take us to church more so than our parents. I went to church young and when I got older I didn’t go so much. Then I started going again. Now my mother asks my 6 year old to go and in turn asks me to go. So now I’m inclined to go with my daughter b.c she asks, not because I take/make her.
MrsRobbieDs last blog post..Girls Only Float Trip
HeatherK 06.25.08 at 3:15 pm
My grandmother conditionally baptized me as a baby she was so worried for my eternal something or another. Raised w/o formal religion here…husband raised Catholic. Unitarian Universalists all the way now.
Quite a patchwork of faith you have there! I almost spit my soda at the fat ham part.
HeatherKs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: 4 going on 14 edition
Sarah 06.25.08 at 4:40 pm
I was never raised in a structured religion. When I was little I went to the Mormon church with my Grandmother and then to a Methodist church with my other Grandmother. My parents didn’t really care either way. Now I find myself reading about religion more than actually belonging to one.
I hope you get everything done for your daughter and that she has a wonderful baptism.
Miss Britt 06.25.08 at 4:59 pm
It shouldn’t be a problem.
Tell Teenie we’d be happy to have her in our clan.
Willo 06.25.08 at 5:13 pm
As a former Good Catholic girl I know this! There isn’t a Catholic Church on the planet that would turn you away. As far as Baptisim goes - you just need to ask your local Priest when/if he’ll be available to perform the ceremony. You’ll need a God Mother and God Father who are Catholic - however - who will act as her parents within the Church. All you really need to do is ask … there are no other formalities … at least there weren’t when I had my son baptized when he was 2 years old.
If Teeny wants to move forward with her first communion - however - you’ll have to become members of the parish and she’ll have to go to catechism classes.
annie 06.25.08 at 9:35 pm
Oh, and I think you only need ONE Catholic god-parent for the ceremony.
Again, not sure, our family’s church is pretty lax.
annies last blog post..I Feel I Must Change the Tone of this Blog
Charlene in Arkansas 06.26.08 at 1:19 pm
my thoughts are with you~~ my mom is fighting cancer for the 3rd time also~~breast cancer 12 years ago which she beat the fuck out of and now bladder cancer~~ keep laughing and if i may i would like to recommend “Sage-ing while age-ing” by Shirly Maclaine; it’s helped me a lot~~
Charlene in Arkansass last blog post..HNT~~my cherry’s popped
Evil Genius 06.27.08 at 9:50 am
You’re a wonderful person and you’re doing a very good thing. God’s gonna take care of you and Teenie no matter what.
(((Hugs)))
Evil Geniuss last blog post..Thank You, Hooked on Phonics!
Shelli 06.28.08 at 11:12 am
I am going to post about this because I started writing a comment to you about my feelings on it and it was turning into a post about me and this is your blog.
Just know that you are not alone in your feelings about this. I understand.
Shellis last blog post..Beep Beep Beep!