I’ve been blogging for three years and never, never, never has anyone questioned whether or not I’ve ever had cancer. It’s the reason I started blogging for the love of God. I started blogging in the summer of 2005 so that I could deal with having ovarian cancer in 2004. It was my way of healing and dealing.
Just as I was making sense of it all I was diagnosed with recurrent ovarian cancer in March 2007. What happened last year was a medical disaster. I’m seriously lucky to be here today.
Now, if you doubt that I blogged about any of it because it’s no longer “live” here, then you’ll just have to figure out for yourself how to find those entries because I’ve got news for you. Nothing ever gets erased from the Internet. Should you be so inclined you can go all the way back to 2005 and read many of my old blog entries. I’m not saying that they are great, but you will see that I’ve been writing about cancer for three years.
Here I am for the third time in four years with cancer again and there are people who think this could quite possibly be a hoax. A hoax? Really? I’ll tell you what…if you think this is a hoax why don’t you call Dr. David Lu at The Reading Memorial Hospital and Medical Center Regional Cancer in Reading, Pennsylvania. Ask if I’m his patient. HIPPA guidelines will allow him to at least tell you that he is treating me.
For those of you who question my parenting and why I’m not spending time with my children…really? I mean, you have got to be kidding me. When do you spend time with your children? Why are you on the computer? What makes you any different from me other than I have a deadly disease?
Well, let me let you in on my daily computing habits and tell you a little about my children too since you seem to have convoluted the two. I love my children and we spend a lot of time together every single day. We talk, we play games, we watch movies, we draw and color, we goof around, we read…my God, the list is endless. Even when I’m really sick and in bed, we spend time together. They don’t mind laying next to me in bed just talking or watching TV together…as long as we are together.
My children also have OUTSIDE interests like their friends, their grandparents and martial arts. In fact they are so involved in martial arts that they go to practice sometimes five times a week when it gets close to testing. Then they practice at home as Dude coaches them. It involves a lot of their time.
When everyone is off to karate or SLEEPING and I’m not feeling good then I lay in bed with my laptop. That’s how I do research, catch up on email and write my blog posts. Twice a week I try to catch up on the blogs in my feed reader.
So, now you know. Feel better or does this just give you more to talk about?
Now if it’s O.K. with all my new found doubters and haters, I’d like to go take some time to absorb the diagnosis from Sloane-Kettering.
The doctor thinks I have a rare form of ovarian cancer that is recurrent from last year and stems from the original ovarian cancer I had in 2004…so he has tied it all together. That makes perfect sense to me so let’s get the treatment started like yesterday. There’s a catch though…it’s still incurable, however there’s a possibility it could buy me some extra time if I respond to chemotherapy.
Even if it responds…it will always come back. As always, I say…it is what it is. Sob story? No, it is what it is.
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
I am new here and never once thought any of this was a hoax, if that helps at all.
Also, I was anxious to read an update and happy to find one so soon, I do hope that whatever you heard today will help.
Lastly, my son is 14 and I hardly ever see him. He eats all my food, runs up the light bill but the water is good because he never wants to shower. I guess that makes me a bad mom. Bwahahaha. People are stupid.
Hugs to you.
Gosh, I am sure you wish this cancer was a HOAX!
Seriously.
And I must be a bad mom too…my kids love being with friends, are also in other activities so i am not with them 24/7 doing things….
Damn if you do Damn if you don’t.
Don’t pay attention to them…some people have nothing better to do I guess. Really, who cares…don’t read the blog…move on if you have such little faith…
Big hugs.
Take care.
Mary, I think that what the doctor at S-K says makes A LOT of sense based on my history starting in 2004 and the fact that I didn’t respond to treatment for stomach cancer.
Now I hope I’ll respond to treatment for ovarian cancer!
My 11 year old HATES to take showers so we FORCE her so I guess I’m a bad parent for that too.
Yvonne, There are days I wish I could be with my kids 24/7 and others when they drive me completely insane, still I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m grateful they are still at the ages where they want to hang out with me.
Pretty soon hanging out with Mom won’t be cool.
Now that I’ve said my peace…I’m over the haters.
Dn’t waste your time on haters. We all need a place to release anger, frustration and fear, better here than with your kids! My prayers are with you.
Lisa, I’ve been following you for a long time — probably from about March 2006. How do I know? Because the reason I started reading blogs was because I was trying to figure out how to cope with my father having cancer and I needed an escape. Oddly enough, I didn’t realize at first that you had had your own fight with cancer — I started reading your blog b/c of your humor, snark and love of a good dirty martini! I stayed because of your willingness to share the rawness of being human.
As you so very well know, cancer isn’t just physical — it seeps into every available space of a person’s life if you let it. It can occupy your mind, your body and your soul. I imagine blogging about your doubts and fears about cancer and all of its malignant tumors (financial, emotional, etc.) , allows you to be a BETTER mom b/c you don’t have to dump it all on your kids. The doubters haven’t been around to see the humor of Lisa, the joy of Lisa, rocker Lisa and kickass mom Lisa.
The doubters are like another malignant arm of your cancer — cut off the blood supply and they will wither away.
Fuck the haters. If you will continue to blog, we will continue to read. Vent if you must. This is your space.
JustMyLife, This is exactly why I started blogging to begin with…as a way to release everything I was feeling. So, thank you.
Colleen, Yes…you have been following me a very long time. I appreciate your insight very much too because you hit it right on the head.
CajunVegan, Thank you…because I need a place to vent or I’ll implode.
Sweetie, there is no reason you should give a rats ass about whether or not people believe you now. People will say and do what they will say and do but what matters more than them and their words is you and finding whatever is right in this situation.
We’re here for you, those of us that love you. Whatever you need and whenever. Let the rest melt away.
Anyone who doubts your illness is a mucking foron.
You’ve been on my mind all night. The fact that this doctor is going to start chemo again is encouraging, let’s pray your body responds to it.
I’m glad you blew off some steam towards those who doubt that this nightmare is true. I hope now you can let go of it & forget about anyone who is not 100% supportive of you.
janes last blog post..Reconciliation
I’d love to get a one-on-one with the person who thinks your third round of a deadly illness is a fucking hoax, I really would. I’m going thru some pretty stressful shit right now and could sure use a punching bag.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this–it’s not fair to you at all. I know, life’s not fucking fair but this sounds like a dickhead who wouldn’t dare question you face to face, but thinks that doing it online is oh so kewlies!
Just tell us who you want fucked up and we’ll get to work on it.
PandoraWildes last blog post..She crocheted WHAT?
And now we move along… yes?
Finally! A Doctor who doesn’t have his head up his ass! I am still sending all my good Karma your way, and as for all the idiots…..screw them. One of the reasons I believe in Karma is because everyone gets theirs in the end…. Haters will get what’s coming to them.
blondefabulouss last blog post..Man What A Day At The Emepgenc y Depa tment >.
Those who think this is a hoax, should just go under a rock and never come out. Why do people feel the need to be so cruel?
I bet your girls love to spend time doing all those wonderful things with you, and I am glad that you are able to give them those precious memories.
I am also happy to hear that the S-K doctor is going to get you started back on Chemo! I really hope that those tumors respond to it, and shrink away.
You know what drew me to your blog? I lost my mom to endometrial cancer 10 years ago (this month, in fact). She NEVER went to the doctor when her symptoms started, and if she had, as I understand, it is a very curable cancer. But, instead, she suffered, needlessly, and over the course of about 6 years, got progressively sicker and sicker. After she passed away, I was so angry at her, for not even going to the doctor to get treatment. She apparently didn’t want to be cut open. I couldn’t understand, why she didn’t want to live. I couldn’t understand why, she didn’t want to ever see her grandchildren. And, I never will understand, why she didn’t fight.
When I find people out there, who are fighting to stay alive, fighting to be with their families, I want to fight with them, too. Maybe, it is because, my mom never gave me that chance to fight with her. So, when I found your blog, (and, no I am not a “cancer” chaser- I don’t go and look for cancer blogs), I was touched. I wanted to help you make a difference. Maybe it was the fact that my mom wouldn’t let us help her, I don’t know, and may never know. But, I hope that my responses are always taken warmly, and that you now know, why I am taken with your fight!
I guess being a mom, of about the same age, and with kids who are 9, 5, and 3, and being in the same region as you, too, made me feel some sort of connection?
Anyway, I am praying for you, and hope that you and your family continue to have wonderful times together.
I’m new to your blog but have read enough to know that I wish only the best for you.
It’s people like you — with all your strength and humor and love of life — that make me realize that what I have (MS) is minor in comparison.
Fight, fight, fight. I pray that you respond to the chemo and that it buys you — let’s just round it out — 100 years. Or however many years your heart desires.
Stay strong. If anyone can, it’s you.
Oh Lisa. I don’t know why you are listening to these naysayers. I hear your frustration in your writings. I feel your anger because I’m angry at these ignorant people as well.
I’m pissed because I don’t think absorbing this negative energy is helping you in the least bit.
Ignorant people never change. They will always be ignorant. There’s nothing you could ever do or say to change their minds. It would be like bashing your head against a brick wall.
You need every bit of strength, courage, and laughter to get you through this so why waste even a single droplet of it all?
Hugs…
I never doubted you. I know you didn’t question me. I just wanted to say that. Every day I have thought about you. Some days I check your blog several times to see if you’ve updated.
I hurt for you and your family - and pray A LOT!
I am sorry for your diagnosis - and am glad, at the very least, that now the doctors and you know what you are dealing with. I imagine the not knowing sucked wads.
I hope you do not give up on the holistic approach. I know many people who take that route and have much success.
I will keep praying - and reading.
There are people who think we didn’t really go to the moon, too. Morons, the lot of them.
Concentrate on the good stuff. Like the lot of us enveloping you in support.
xo
WTF is wrong with people? I can’t believe someone would think this was all a fake or hoax. Those who think that need to take a good hard look at themselves.
Have been looking each day to see what Sloane concluded. What type ovca does he think you have? Let me know what treatment he recommends. I have learned more about ovca on http://www.acor.org than any other place. Sorry you have to be in the club noone wants to belong to, but glad you are my teal sister.
Many prayers that your body will respond to the chemo Lisa…
((hugs)), much love!
Lisa - first of all I am hopeful that a new treatment plan will be in place soon and that it will buy you LOTS and LOTS of time. I’ve been reading for a few months - more regularly lately after your last diagnosis and not ONCE has it ever occurred to me that it was a “hoax”. IMO Anyone who would even think that is warped and obviously miserable. He/She/They need to get a life and leave YOURS alone!!1
You can only tell so much from tone but I KNOW that you love your children, Dude and the rest of your family deeply - that is why you are still kicking cancer’s ass and will continue to do so.
I am praying for you daily and am here if you ever need a “stranger” to bounce things off/vent to - whatever.
Take care of you and please try to release the negative thoughts that some choice individuals have stirred up.
God Bless you
Lisa, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If someone doubts that you have cancer after reading your blog then screw em. You’re never going to be able to prove it to them because they’re only going to believe what they want to believe. Some people always need a bad guy I guess.
My group has been “working” on you and we continue to wish you healing, comfort and peace.
I hate that you feel the need to give up your doctor and hospital information to shut up the haters. I hate that you’ve been put in a situation like that.
Concentrate on you. Concentrate on the good in your life. We love you and we’re all pulling for you. Forget the assholes that aren’t; they don’t deserve a second of your time.
Why do people have to doubt and hate? It’s so infuriating!
Block out those negative vibes…concentrate on the positive!
Bastards. They can go crawl under a rock.
why do I somehow think the asshat is responsible for the sudden upswing in doubters? Man, I hate that guy!
I am so sorry that you are looking at buying more time vs a cure. I know you are doing it for Dude and the kids, and I say you’re a rockstar.
Lisa: I hope you can concentrate on the friends and love and support you have here.
I’m very happy that the S-K doc has a plan of action because that lets you have one too.
If you’re lying, I’ve been buying it since September ‘05. You’re one hell of a good liar! And to be able to lie for 3 whole years! Ah mase ing. U rawk teh lyes.
Oy.
There will always be brain-dead, emotionally stunted assholes. Nothing can change them. They think they got it all figured out.
You’re a good person and there are people who live to make good people appear to be horrible monsters. As I said, stunted.
Now, it’s good to have a treatment plan and seriously, I believe in miracles. I think I’ve even personally seen some. I think you have one coming your way. I do.
You take care of you (ignore the kids…they’re just little nuisances anyway, right? ~cough~) and you keep on letting those of us who can help you, emotionally, financially, cheese-cakely…whatever. There are some of us that WANT to help anyway we can. (Think Karen who is a way awesome, compassionate human being.)
I think of you everyday.
xxxooo
Who the fuck thinks people make up having cancer? I don’t understand people sometimes.
I’m glad to hear that the S-K doctors have some idea of what to do for treatment, and here’s hoping that, combined with the alkaline diet works the miracle you and your family need.
People can be such asshats. Sheesh. You’re in good hands at S-K. Hang in there!
Hilly, You are right but I had never been questioned on the validity of my illness before. It was shocking to me and I felt the need to defend myself, which is something I will not do again.
Thank you for your support and love.
Karl, Did it take you all night to come up with mucking foron?
Jane, It’s very encouraging.
I had to blow off some steam…now it’s time to move on.
PandoraWilde, People find it so much easier to say things on the internet that they wouldn’t dare say to someone’s face. It’s absolutely amazing.
The people that had so much to say are over at that “other” blog.
Miss Britt, Yes, thank you very much. Yes…we move on.
Blondefabulous, I believe in karma too.
Christine, I’m sorry that you will never have the answers to give you the peace you deserve in regards to your mother’s death.
My husband went through a similar situation with his mother when she decided to give up her fight with cancer a few years ago and starve to death.
I understand everything you are saying though. If my story can help you, then it makes it worth writing.
Dawn, Don’t ever think that because you have MS that it is minor in comparison to cancer. We all have our own crosses to bear that make our lives difficult.
Fighting is something we can all understand.
Mattie, You are right, ignorant people will always be ignorant until they’ve educated themselves with the facts.
Kate, Having a new answer makes things easier to deal with for now. I still plan to incorporate a holistic approach in to my treatment.
Avitable, Very true. There are also those who believe Elvis is still alive and living with Jim Morrison on an island somewhere.
Karen, Going forward, that’s the plan.
B, I agree with you 100%.
Patsy, The doctor believes it stems from a low malignant potential tumor I had in 2004. It really doesn’t have a name. It’s just very rare that those type of tumors have any type of recurrence and if they do it’s not normally so quick. My original tumor was 11 inches large so it doesn’t surprise me at all.
Tug, Thank you so much.
Lisa O, I’m hopeful that a new treatment plan will be in place soon as well. Thank you also, for your support.
Jen, Well if anyone doubts they can call my doctor. I’ve just never been the bad guy. Thanks so much for everything.
Sam, That’s what I’m going to do…concentrate on myself.
Mrs.Schmitty, The positive vibes are so much better than the negative.
Magpie, We need a really big rock.
That Girl, Like I said, it is what it is…but I’ll take rock star.
Turnbaby, That’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Miss Ann, Can you imagine lying for three years? I mean it would one hell of an elaborate scheme, don’t you think? There were bloggers who called me in the hospital last year. How do we explain that?
I hope that miracles come true.
There are some truly compassionate people out there, you and Karen being two of them. I have to remember that and tune out those who are as you say, “stunted”.
Jamie, There are people openly accusing me of making all of this up, for real. It’s unbelievable.
CourtneyRyan369, Thanks. I went to S-K for a consult but I’ll get treatment here at home.
Let them take a flying leap.
I agree with Jamie (and others) - it’s geat to hear the S-K docs have tied it together and have a more positive course of action. Concentrate on the good.
So glad there’s a treatment plan in place. You have some amazing friends!
Venting is good, Lisa. I refuse to give up too many typed words regarding these cold, cynical people.
Praise God for S-K! And the doc. who knows his shit! What is best for you, is all that matters. I pray God’s peace over you as you embark on this new treatment. I pray God’s healing on your body. And send warm, healing, positive thoughts and love your way. Today and always. Try and rest in His peace. You don’t need to prove a thing to anyone. Karma takes care of that. Although we may not always see it at work. Let higher forces handle the as$holes. Leave them and their cruelness behind. Ignore it, and keep yourself on the track of healing.
Much love,
3T
hahahaa… monkey bastards. i say leave them alone. ignore them.
i don’t know you, i haven’t gone through all your posts, but i believe you. and i said i was going to link to you and your donation page and i haven’t! but i will.
i’m sorry you’re going through all of this. thank you for sharing.
=)
Yos last blog post..happy campers
Lisa: to hell with all those who think this could be a HOAX. Who cares what they say? Don’t even waste your time thinking about it. There’s a lot of people who cares about you and that’s what really counts.
I really hope that the chemotherapy help you through this and that you fell more energetic and well soon.
Hugs from Florida
FERNANDA
Fernandas last blog post..Armamos las valijas!!!!
I’ve read you since back then, and when you RARELY EVER had to talk about cancer! Yeah, there was a whole lot of NOT talking about cancer to create this ongoing hoax! Ha-ha. Whatever.
I’m so glad S-K actually gave some sort of answer, so they can proceed with some sort of plan for treatment?
annies last blog post..Whilst You Were Blogging…
Miss Ann is right, they are stunted. These people must have such sad and negative lives that they take pleasure from going after someone like you. Sad really.
If you spent 24/7 with your kids, it would probably freak them out. If I say “Hi” to my step-son with too much enthusiasm, I get a third degree and I’m smothering him. For crying-out-loud, I just said HI!
Venting is good! Get it out here and get it out of your system. Then your time with Dude and the girls and your day in general is free of this crap. It’s so much healthier than bottling it up.
You are an amazing person and a fighter. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us.
lisa~~i’m glad that you found some answers~~and i hope you continue to seek alternate methods also
i believe with all my heart that my first husband (who was a chhirpractor) treated his cancer for many, many years with alternative medicide (accupunture, raw diet, supplements)
i’m sure there are accupuntist and nutritionist in your area
i had a neice who treated her pancreatic cancer for 5 (yes five) years after the drs told her she had 3 months to live
she did accupunture and the raw diet along with lots of supplements
Charlene in Arkansass last blog post..friday i am a real girl and other brother
Lisa, I am a firm believer in reducing stress and finding ways to create positive emotions to help fight cancer. Anger and stress wear down your immune system. I watched that first hand. May the good moments far outweigh the bad ones. Life is very precious, don’t waste any.
Oh, Lisa, it breaks my heart that you would even have to write a post like this. As if you aren’t going through enough.
I know how much it hurts to be accused of making up parts of your life that you share with others, things that are so close to your heart and that have such an impact on your life. I had someone do that to me and it was not pleasant.
It’s easy to say “don’t care about what others say” or “just ignore it” but it does hurt and it’s easier said than done. Because this is you, your life, it’s why you blog. And when you put it all out there, it’s one thing for people to judge, be hateful, or whatever. It’s another for them to say it’s all a lie.
And wouldn’t it be great if it were? I think that’s what stings the most. That it would be great if you could wake up tomorrow and it was all a dream, a lie, pretend, whatever.
For every doubter, Lisa, there are dozens more who know the truth, as awful as it is. And those are the people that matter.
I love you. I believe you. And I always will.
Please don’t waste any more of your time or energy on those haters. And there are always miracles - no matter the diagnosis. No reason you shouldn’t be one as well. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am endlessly amazed out how opinionated and callous people become hiding behind an avatar and a pseudonym. Not just here, either, it’s everywhere. I know emotionally things are rough now and it is hard not to take things personally, but try to ignore them. They can go someplace else and torment other bloggers.
I have read you throughout the years as well and I never doubted you.
I hope the treatment goes well and I am still holding out for a miracle.
Also, Twitter, in all its FUBARed glory dropped you from my follow list yesterday, so I had to add you back on. I don’t know what happened, but it pissed me off something royal.
I never once doubted the authenticity of what you were saying. Why would someone doubt it? Better yet, why would someone lie about it? Never mind that last one, I can think of plenty of people who would do it for sympathy. But you’ve never struck me as one such person.
kapgars last blog post..I want some hot stuff…
Janer, Concentrating on the good sounds like an excellent idea.
Mary, Yes…I have some amazing friends and I’m extremely grateful for them.
3T, Karma is an incredible force. That’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way this week.
Yo, I agree that ignoring them is best. I only wish I did that to begin with.
Fernanda, I realize now that it was a total waste of time.
annie, For real…I remember when I wrote the most mundane posts about absolutely nothing.
The doctor at S-K is supposed to contact my doctor at Reading Hospital with his suggested course of treatment. Of course my doctor wasn’t in today…after I posted that people should contact him if they were in doubt that he is in fact treating me. Oh, the beautiful irony.
AmyM, You mean it’s not healthy to spend 24/7 with your kids? There are days when I would love to spend that much time with them because I know we are going to hit the phase your step-son is.
Charlene, I certainly plan to treat my cancer with alternative, holistic medicine, in addition to chemotherapy. I feel that it’s a win-win.
Basteine, You are so incredibly right about anger and stress. Even more so about life. I don’t plan to waste anymore of mine on petty bullshit.
BlondBlogger, It would be wonderful if this were all a hoax. I would love to be free of cancer. I totally appreciate your support.
Suzy, I don’t plan on wasting any more time. I’m also praying for a miracle because I’ve got two children to raise. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.
Denice, I, too, am amazed at how people can be so brazen behind an avatar and pseudonym.
I’ll have to check my Twitter and make sure I’m still following you too.
Kapgar, Thank you for never doubting me. I really wish this wasn’t true. I would be ELATED. Unfortunately it’s VERY REAL. I also try to be as real as humanly possible.
It is what it is. All we can do is play the cards given to us. That all sounds cold to me. It wont help much, but I’m thinking of you and we love you.
geeks last blog post..Yea, I got nothing
I am so sorry that people suck that much.
mamans last blog post..How Angry Was I?
I’m not sure why you feel the need to justify yourself to these haters, people whom you will probably never speak to or meet. This is your blog and I highly doubt that you would talk about having such an illness when you didn’t.
Forget about them. Obviously they have nothing better to do with their time.
Jezebels last blog post..another reason to hate reality TV
Fuck the doubters and haters.
The first 5 words that you said to me when I met you F2F, were “It is what it is.” I love you for that.
Shellis last blog post..Happy Birthday, Baby!