If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one. ~Cavett Robert
I’m finally starting to feel a little better physically which plays a huge part in how I feel mentally. If there is one thing I believe about any disease it’s multi-faceted. I not only suffer from cancer though, I suffer from depression so I’m hyper-vigilant and in tune with how I’m feeling 24 hours a day. I know that depression could take me down a mental road I might not recover from and I’m just not willing to risk that today.
This last round of chemotherapy really took me through the ringer of depression which frightened me. I cried and had anxiety attacks. I was taking steroids to avoid a repeat of getting physically ill but I think mentally the steroids play with my depression. I don’t want to take a chance on feeling like this again so I made an appointment to see my psychiatrist on Monday.
For the most part my depression has been under control for the past seven years. It wasn’t until I accepted the fact that I was depressed that I was able to get help for the disease. And it’s a disease just like any other disease…diabetes, heart disease, or cancer…so please don’t become judgmental or caste me in a different light. I know that disease of the body is much more acceptable than disease of the mind.
I don’t talk a lot about the fact I have depression because it doesn’t affect my daily life that much. In fact, I’m know that my family, close friends and I are all amazed that I’ve gotten through the past six months as strong as I have. Yes, can you believe it’s been six months since I was diagnosed with cancer again?
Six months later I’m still standing strong but I’m not taking any extraordinary chances. I’m calling in the big guns because I know that the next six months could be tough. Historically Fall is prime depression season for me and leads into a winter funk that lasts until the spring. Better to be proactive than to rest on my laurels and wait for it to hit me.
For six months I’ve been screaming from the mountain tops that cancer won’t take me down, right? Well, it hasn’t so I’ll be damned if depression is going to sneak in here and takeover. Time for some proactive measures. To me, that’s taking care of myself, being proactive and staying on top of my game. It’s the only way I know how to kick ass, fight and survive…anything.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like you are getting the help you need — and that’s what’s important.
Hugs.
Nats last blog post..Not so little any more…
I think you are absolutely incredible and inspirational.
Instead of resting on your laurels and thinking “woe is me” you choose to be pro-active and fight with everything you have.
I will be a regular visitor here.
I wouldn’t get by w/o my ‘vitamin Z’ ….there’s a reason they say it’s like cancer of the soul…. You amaze me every day, Lisa. Glad you have an appt.
HeatherKs last blog post..Scrap Thursday: WIP
I know how you feel- people say “why can’t you snap out of it”
If only it were that easy. My dr. described depression like this- she said when you have a series of traumatic events occur in your life; your brain and therefore your neuro-transmitting chemicals in your brain just get all out of whack. The drug helps to stabilize that. Period.
What’s wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. Good for you that you are in tune w/ your body and being proactive!!! Praying for you.
misis last blog post..
Card-carrying member of the depressives club here. *waves* It’s amazing that, even when it’s under control, your physical state can wake it up all over again. I know I feel great most of the time, but when my allergies act up and cause that bad fatigue, the depression creeps in again.
It would not be surprising at all if you were depressed at this point given the physical toll cancer and the treatment have on your body. And then there’s the mental toll. I’m amazed you’ve held up so well. Brava!
And anotherbrava for being proactive and safeguarding your mental health before the darkness comes. xoxo
Finns last blog post..Reader’s Choice: That Good Night
I love that you are so vigilant about your health - physically AND mentally.
Miss Britts last blog post..What’s this stumble crap and why do you keep asking me to love you?
I take the wretched steroids several times a year for my asthma. One of their side effects can be huge mood swings, especially if your dosage is in the moderate or above area. I find these swings can last at least 2-3 weeks after I stop the ‘roids.
Good for you! I’m glad you’ve got that appointment. I’ve been on meds for depression for longer than I like to admit, but they work. Without them, I’d be curled into the fetal position sobbing. You’re 100% correct, too, that depression is as much a disease as high blood pressure or diabetes. Thank God for the meds for all of them!
Take care and be good to yourself. You deserve it — and so much more!
It’s great that you recognize these things and be proactive. That’s so healthy Lisa! Taking care of your mental health can help your physical health.
People forget, or don’t know, that the “mind” whatever it may be, is housed in the physical head that is attached to the physical body. A problem with one can create a problem with the other. Disease within or outside forces (trouble with people) can create problems, too. It makes perfect sense.
You know, I used to hate winter and fall depressed me, all my life up until about 7 years ago. I’m not quite sure what happened. It’s possible my depression subsided or I worked through something and I learned to look at things differently. I don’t know.
annies last blog post..God Bless America
You keep at it! I just wanted to tell you that I accosted every beader at our local farmers market and told them that Teal is to show awareness for ovarian cancer…I should have printed a little ribbon but I didn’t know I would see beaders today! Hang tough.
Disease is disease and that’s so wonderful that you know you need to be just as proactive about depression as you are about cancer.
Sarahs last blog post..Now I just want to piss people off.
Nat: Yes, it’s very important, thanks!
Kylie: Thanks! You will find I’m not one to watch life pass me by. Hope to see you again.
HeatherK: I don’t know much about Vitamin Z…you’ll need to fill me in. I absolutely agree with that analogy…depression is like cancer of the soul. I can’t wait for my appointment on Monday.
misi: I’ve found that educating the people around me has helped a great deal and made my life a lot easier.
I also find nothing wrong with taking medication to treat depression either. I’ve tried life without medication and it’s debilitating for me.
Finn: I think you hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head on all points. My entire body is completely broken down right now. I knew last weekend when I was achy from head to toe, AND crying about it that I was in trouble.
Miss Britt: I’ve been around the block too many times to play around, you know what I mean?
Asthmagirl: That’s very interesting to know. I suffer from bipolar disorder too, so the steroids could be playing a big part in how I’m feeling.
Suzanna Catherine: There’s nothing wrong with being on medication for depression.
annie: It’s sounds like you might have seasonal affective disorder…SAD. I have suffered from it for years and actually use light therapy every fall and winter to help it.
<Defendusa: That’s awesome!
Sarah: You are right…thanks.
Oh, girl, I love you and I thank you for this post. Knowing there are people like you who understand makes me cry. Thank you. I know you understand how it is….
To have someone look at me and say “Get over it.” (I’m trying.) “What’s wrong with you?” (I don’t know.) “You have a life others envy.” (I know, and I feel guilty for feeling this way.) “What could you possibly be depressed about?” (Nothing, and I know that. I KNOW.)
I’ve learned to recognize the feelings that come on before my depressive episodes and I’ve learned to fight them off. I know it’s coming when I start putting off every day routine tasks I don’t mind doing on “normal” days/weeks. I’ve learned to talk myself down from panic attacks and up from depressive episodes. I’ve learned that when I start being overly annoyed with anyone other than my daughters and start hyper-focusing on them, smothering them, IT is coming.
If it were not for people like you willing to share, despite the stigma, willing to be so honest and lay it right there in the middle of God and everybody, I don’t think I would I would feel, almost hear, IT coming.
I bet you didn’t know, when you first started posting, that you were a healer. Sweet precious lady, your words have done more to help some of us move toward healing than some of those therapists I’ve seen and some of those meds that have been thrown at me.
You kick ass, you know that?
Avitables last blog post..Chocolate and bacon: Good pairing?
Lisa,
You are one of the most inspirational people I (don’t) know. I do bekieve that you will kick cancers ass.
I meant believe, but it won’t let me edit!
ame: If you have people in your life that are telling you those things it’s because they don’t understand the disease. There are two things you can do with them. You can educate them by providing them printed documentation from the NIMH website or another accredited organization and try talking to them. I had to do that for three years with my husband before he got it. OR…you look for support in other places.
The work I did to help my husband understand my illness has been totally worth it. He was terrified at first. It turns out he is also clinically depressed and takes medication now too.
Don’t give up, hang in there and have hope!
Avitable: Coming from you I take that as a HUGE compliment. I also take names while I’m kicking ass…so you know.
Mary: I think this plug-in is broken. I’ll need to check on that tomorrow. I have to believe that there is a reason I’m living through all of this. If it is to inspire others to get through some trouble of their own, then that’s it’s purpose. Thank you for your faith that I will kick cancer’s ass.
I keep telling my daughter that if she had diabetes, she would take insulin. Why then, since she is clearly suffering from depression and maybe even bipolar, does she resist taking medicine for that. My mom and I both suffer from depression, why wouldn’t she?
I think you are so brave. Both for your stand against cancer and also for sharing with us all of your struggles.
Shellis last blog post..I May Just Get Some Hate Mail
GO LISA!
Ugh, you know just what to say to make my eyes tear up. I’m rooting for you, dear!
Erins last blog post..Seriously, I’ve no idea where she gets it
Erin: Thanks for rooting for me!