This post was originally written on November 29, 2005 and posted on The Rock Bitch when I had a few close calls with some SUVs. I thought of it yesterday when I had a similar situation except I was at Salad Works instead of Panera. And back in 2005 I used to go to Panera almost every day!
Also keep in mind I was going through menopause and I was full of mixed up hormones…
Here’s the post:
Warning: If you are a woman who drives an SUV, then I am about to piss you off.
I’m lobbying for a new law.
Women in suburbia carrying mobile phones should be forbidden from driving SUVs.
Yes, I know. I am a woman living in suburbia carrying a mobile phone however the bitch mobile is a Honda Civic and I sometimes I use the phone in the car. The Honda’s great on gas mileage…38/mpg and it’s low maintenance. I digress because this isn’t about me, or the Honda but it’s about women in their SUVs.
I know that said no Panera this week but I just went for a salad…salads are good for you and their Grilled Chicken Caesar is delightful. And I also got a Chai Tea Latte but that’s not the point of this story…it’s what happened as I left the shopping center…
As I pulled out of the parking lot this huge GMC Suburban cut me off! Inside was a petite, bleach-blonde woman yacking on her mobile phone. On the back of her GMC was one of those sticker magnets that said, “Princess On Board”. So, I laid on my horn and flipped her the finger, however I don’t think she could see me because her SUV was so g’damn big!
As I merged on to the highway a Chevy Tahoe cut me off! This time it was a suburbanite brunette and she was on the phone. I was thinking, “What the fuck? Am I going to live to eat this salad?” This bitch had to be going 70 mph in the right hand lane and had no mercy for me or my Honda.
When I got back to work I parked my Honda and got out of the car. As I headed towards the building one of my female co-workers almost ran me over. She was in her GMC Envoy, talking on her Nextel oblivious to the fact that I was walking across the parking lot. I Nextel’ed her when I got in the office and she had no remorse. She said, “I’ll have better aim next time.” I love her but I swear that I work with sadistic people.
This is not my first encounter with women and SUVs. The parking lot at Wal-Mart is probably the worst offender because I’ve almost been killed five times by a woman in an SUV talking on a mobile phone.
Women + SUVs / Mobile Phones = Fucking Disaster
x + y = z
No matter how you look at the equation it’s a mess. A law must be passed. No more women in SUVs. Write your congressman! Write your senators! Just stop the madness so I can eat my salad from Panera without risking my life!
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
You know, you hit the nail on the head. SOBs.
Its true. Only the vehicle type makes no difference around here.
ha ha, truth.
I have had the same thing happen here in my state. I would like to expand your ban to all douchebags who yak on the phone while trying to drive! The freaks were bad enough when they were just singing along to the radio in the car, a cell phone conversation just makes it 10 times more worse!!
Hang up and drive!
I am a woman with an suv.. a suburban to be exact. But I try very hard to not talk on my cell while driving and I am very aware that I drive a big truck and I am very careful not to use the size of my vehicle to push my way around. I have a huge guilt issue and if I hurt someone I would never sleep again…
Just sayin.. Not all of us are skinny crazy talking on our cell phone huge suv drivers.. some are tall fat and very aware of the danger the size of our vehicles pose LOL.
And if I were you and my coworker said that I would have punched her ass out…
Hope your feeling well Lisa. <3
holy crap. you lost me at grilled chicken caesar. i didn’t know panera made those. i haves to have one.
CA passed a law that people can’t be on their cell phones while driving. but they can be on hands free devices. it doesn’t stop the idiot assholes, though.
Are you sure you weren’t visiting Orange County, CA?
I have a small SUV, is that OK? 22 MPG highway.
And I rarely talk on my cell phone. People are all “What’s the matter? You’re not talking.” and I say, “Yeah, I’m DRIVING!”
….mmm…Panera….
I love their iced green tea and cheese broccoli soup, even though they’re both not too healthy.
People are SO freakin’ aggressive here too, I just moved from Texas where there were definitely bad drivers, but I live in Stamford CT and we have some insanely rude, dangerously aggressive and seemingly oblivious drivers. And you’re not even legally allowed to drive and talk on cells here in CT, but people still use headsets and look just as distracted. Hell, they look distracted even when they’re not talking on the phone. I risk my life just to drive to the grocery store….it’s so scary and I don’t know how people live this way.
Hope the Panera goodness at least somewhat healed you from the road-induced trauma!!!
No one….male female whatever….should be driving while on a cell phone. It’s dangerous and should be illegal everywhere. Sex and car type aren’t the issue, but every step towards making this illegal everywhere counts so good work!
For that very reason, I do not use my phone unless I am stopped. I have been cut off several times. Just once, I’d like to get the witch who flipped me the bird because SHE was in a hurry and cut me off twice on the same road. Groan. It sucks.
*Sigh* I have an SUV, but I rarely answer it while driving. although I’ll have to admit that I do answer it occasionally. It seems like the same thing happens here in East Texas, except it’s ladies in SUV’s (especially Hummers!), AND mini-vans (which I might have after this 4th child gets here-much to my dismay). I might be starting a new war here (hope not!
) but I’ve never seen a person in a mini-van use their blinkers!!! Maybe it’s just that I can stand a particular person in my extended family that drives a mini-van, and that makes me even more insane. But that’s another story. Who knows.
After re-reading my post above, it sounds like I answer my SUV while driving (but I meant my cell phone - duh)…and I meant to write that I CAN’T stand a particular person in my family that drives a mini-van. OY! PREGNANCY BRAIN!!!!
Which is why in Australia it’s illegal to use a mobile phone while driving (unless it’s hands-free)
Krystle: I take it you’ve had a similar experience.
MrsRobbieD: Neither does sex really. It was just a coincidence that day.
Aimee: Unfortunately it was.
Blondefabulous: You have a problem with people singing in the car too?
Allision/Sissy907: Where have you been?
I realize it’s not everyone…I’m just a magnet it.
My former co-worker is one of my closest friends….I wouldn’t dream of punching her.
Ms. Changes Pants While Driving: I’m not sure if Panera still has it or not. It was delicious.
My state hasn’t passed that law yet.
Hilly: I wish!
annie: Well since it’s small your fine
MaryLeigh: I also love their green tea.
The northeastern part of the U.S. is known for it’s aggressive drivers.
Cresent: I couldn’t agree with you more.
Defendusa: Getting cut off totally sucks and it’s dangerous.
Ashley Hast: I understood exactly what you were saying.
KazzaIt should be everywhere is the U.S. but it’s definitely a state level law.
Around these parts it’s the people (male or female) in the escalades who think they own the f-ing road. They flip their turn signal on and think that makes them God or something and thus, they can cut you off. I don’t even drive (never have) and it pisses me off! lol! Escalades, Hummers, Land Rovers, BMWs, Lexuses (is that a word? LOL! More than one Lexus is a what? LOL!) at any rate, There we are in our cute little RAV4 and about being pushed off the road. BAH.
I do adore Panera and haven’t been there in a LONG time, probably a year or more. I always associate Panera with soup and sandwiches which equates to fall to me. So soon it will be Panera weather. then I can cozy up to the fire place.
Amen! Yesterday, as I was leaving school after picking up Big I, a woman sat in front of me in a huge Lexus SUV and while the rest of traffic was moving, she sat there messing with her i-phone. I didn’t want to beep at her and draw attention since I’ll likely have to see this woman for the next 20 odd years, but pay attention already! It’s not just women in SUV’s either. There are plenty of male offenders.