Seven months ago I wrote a post that broke my heart to write and I feel like this is no different. In fact seven months ago I swore that this blog wouldn’t turn into a cancer blog but cancer has taken over my life. It’s effected every single facet of my life and so it’s also taken over my blog.
I really wish I didn’t have to tell you this. I wish I had better news but the truth is that I’m not responding to chemotherapy. It seems I’ve been fighting a losing battle.
Next week my doctor will try a third type of chemotherapy. He’s not sure if it will work.
Please don’t tell me you are sorry because I just can’t handle that right now. Like I asked you seven months ago, I’d like to ask you now…what are you grateful for? I’m grateful that I’m still here.
So, let’s talk about gratitude today, O.K.?
{ 73 comments… read them below or add one }
I am grateful you are still here.
And hope this new round of chemo will help.
(((hugs)))
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I am grateful we worship a God who is above death.
And for people like you who choose to say Thank you….
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Oh fucking hell!
I will do as you asked, though.
I’m grateful:
1. That although I’m unemployed, I’m able to keep job hunting.
2. That although I’m sick with MS, it’s in remission.
3. That although it’s getting cold outside, I have sweaters and a husband to keep me warm.
4. That although this wasn’t a “yay me!” post, you were here to write it. I hope that you’ll be here to write a million more.
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I’m grateful there is another chemo out there that might help you.
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I am grateful that you have another option. I’m grateful for the hard mornings when there is one lost shoe, homework that needs to be checked, bike helmets that need to be adjusted…AGAIN! With out those, I would be unable to enjoy the walk to school and the “hey mom…look at me!” .
I am sending a large amount of good Karma your way.
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I am grateful for you. Having “met” you has changed my life in so many ways you’d think I was making stuff up just to make you feel better.
But the truth is that I’ve never met anyone as strong and tenacious as you. Oh, I know you have your moments when you punch the pillow, curse the heavens, and maybe even hide under the covers. But somehow you manage to gather up your inner strength and be the light of everyone’s life.
You have found peace in your life. Some of us never get there. You know that you’ve been dealt the suckiest of all blows and that you might not be there for your family when they need you the most. But, you’ve managed to convey to them that no matter what happens you’ll be there to watch over them and protect them.
I believe strongly that although my daughters’ mother passed 16 years ago that she is still very much a part of our lives. We talk about her and share our memories of the good and the bad times. Sometimes we laugh about her quirky characteristics and sometimes there are sad moments, but she is such an integral part of our daily consciousness that if feels as though she is with us in our hearts and minds every single day and will be forever.
I often would catch one of the girls doing something that immediately reminded me of their mom. I never hesitate to tell them and we’d have a moment or two of joy. And for this, their mother will forever live in their hearts.
There are things we can not change. And for those life experiences we either give up or get stronger in heart and spirit.
For your girls, you never gave up and you’re not giving up now. Every day is a gift. This was true before your diagnosis and so much more after you were told you had cancer.
I am grateful for you because you made me believe in love again. You showed me what it means to be the best I can be, no matter what the diversity.
Thank you. Just thank you.
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I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to read you for so long and finally got to meet you!
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I am grateful that you have continued to share both the good and the bad over the last 7 months… and that options continue to exist.
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I am grateful that your doctor is trying something new for you. I am grateful for my kids. I am also grateful for cookies baking, and cool fall days that smell like “fall” .
I will be continuing to think good thoughts for you, and if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I mean it and I hope you know that!
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I’m grateful for your ‘loud’ personality, your writing, your honesty.
I’m grateful for my faith, my children, my wacky sense of humor, my creativity, for knowing I can bake anything from scratch.
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I’m absolutely grateful to have found and started to read you.
I am also grateful for my dog. I always wanted a dog and thought I couldn’t handle the details of it. 13 years ago this month my roommate brought her home and she’s the greatest. I can’t imagine getting another dog because this one is so awesome.
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I am grateful that there are doctors available for you and for the scientists who continue to try find cures for this disease.
I am grateful that I found your blog and that I can read.
I am grateful to be alive.
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I am grateful to get to read and interact with you. You are an amazingly strong woman Lisa with the most wonderful never give up attitude.
Oh, and I’m grateful for Lindy’s cheesecake. Yeah, I couldn’t stand not knowing so I ordered one for myself shortly after I ordered yours and OH. MY. GOD.
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I’m grateful that there are still treatment options out there for you to try. A friend of mine has multiple myeloma, and has been on Thalidomide (yes, the stuff that causes birth defects) and has outlived all the predictions of her prognosis. She originally got on it during a trial. I hope you’re looking into experimental treatments, too, in addition to traditional therapies.
There are many brilliant scientists and doctors working on cancer. Don’t lose hope.
In my own life, I’m grateful that my husband, kids, and I are healthy (knock wood). I hope that someday soon you can say the same thing.
Hang in there, Sweetie.
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I’m grateful for crisp fall mornings..what a beautiful time of year this is.
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I am grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to get to know you through your writing. I am grateful that God had aided in giving you a strength that surpasses all understanding.
And I’m still praying with my family, for a healing that surpasses all understanding.
I am grateful for each day that we are blessed with. And am sending you (((HUGS))) and much love, my friend.
3T
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I’m grateful for stumbling across your blog. I’m grateful for your strength in continuing to write through the great and the awful. I’m grateful there is a third type of chemo and hope the third is the charm.
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I’m grateful I have a boyfriend who loves me. I’m grateful I have a job (albiet a bad one). I’m grateful for delicious crisp fall mornings and adorable sweaters.
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I’m glad we have words with which to share all this — even if it’s not good news.
I’m glad for stolen moments where every thing is just as it should be, even if they are fleeting.
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I’m grateful there’s another option for you. I’m grateful for another day here with my family. I’m grateful that I have food, shelter, necessties that I shouldn’t (but do) take for granted. I’m grateful that my children are healthy and happy (as long as I don’t tell them no). I’m grateful that death isn’t the end, and that Jesus proves that to me.
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I’m grateful for you, for your blog, and for how it has changed me.
I’d heard that “each day is a gift” crap before, even said it, even pretended to believe it. But watching you LIVE IT? I am so grateful, because I finally GET IT.
I’m grateful that you are yourself, and that you are not afraid to fight the fights, and that you are still here.
I’m grateful in advance for the cure for this suck-ass disease. I couldn’t get up every day if I didn’t believe it was possible. I’ll admit I am well past tired of waiting.
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Sigh…
I’m grateful that Obama is pulling ahead in the polls, and real change may be in our future.
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~I’m grateful to log on every morning from work to visit your site~Grateful for the medical knowledge that there is something else for you~ Grateful for another day~
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I’m grateful there’s another treatment option. And I’m grateful to you for sharing, both the good and the bad in your life. And on this sucky morning when I have read your bad news, learned another friend has breast cancer again, and await the results of my husband’s CT scan to see if the lung nodule we’ve been watching needs to be biopsied, I am grateful for today. As my coworker often reminds me, nobody promised me tomorrow. So I try to be happy today, no matter what it brings, just in case…
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I’m grateful that I found you. I’m grateful for my friends and family, and that as much as I hate where I work, at least I have a job to go to.
((HUGS)) and prayers…
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I’m grateful for my family, my job, and my home. I’m greatful for wonderful friends and new experiences. I’m greatful for medical options for people like you who are so amazingly brave.
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I totally feel ya on the no ’sorry’ thing. I’m grateful for music, meds and nourishment for mind and spirit.
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I am grateful that people are blogging about things like Love and Gratitude.
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I am grateful for my 2 boys.
I am grateful for my friend Rosemary who just found out she has lung cancer.
I am grateful your doctor is trying something else.
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I’m grateful that there’s a third kind of chemotherapy. Hell, I didn’t even know there was a second kind!
I’m grateful that I have you as a regular reader (and commenter) on my blog. I’m grateful that I have an amazing bunch of family and friends.
I’m grateful for my hair — which is almost to that ten inch mark so I can cut it for Locks of Love. And I’m grateful for curious people (mostly kids who aren’t afraid to ask the freaky big man with all the hair) who learn about Locks from asking me about why I look like a damn dirty hippie.
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i am glad i found your blog. i am grateful that you have shared so much information about ovarian cancer. i am grateful that today is friday and i get to get my drink on tonight. i’m grateful for my boyfriend and family. i’m grateful that my office mate isn’t in the office this morning so i get to blog surf. i’m grateful for deoderant and flip flops. i’m grateful that the so cal “heatwave” is on its way out and we can finally get to some real fall weather.
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I’m grateful that I still have my two parents, old as they are at 91 years of age.
I’m grateful that my children are enjoying their lives.
I’m grateful for a husband who puts up with me.
I’m grateful that some tests I had done earlier this week came out ok.
I’m grateful to have found your blog.
thank you.
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I am grateful for my son who makes me smile and proud every day. I am grateful for meeting The Guy thru the blogosphere. He makes me feel loved every day.
And like many of us: I am grateful you are still here too! xxxxxx
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Yvonne: Thank you…I’m praying it will help too.
misi: God is a wonderful thing to be grateful for.
Dawn: How is the job hunting going?
Congratulations on being in remission.
I would like to be here for a million more posts too.
Kate: There is also two more if this one doesn’t work.
Blondefabulous: It sounds like you are grateful for being a mom…which is a wonderful thing to be grateful for.
Mattie: Hopefully we will be able to meet up soon since we are so close to each other. I’m grateful for that first email you sent me. I’m not sure if you remember it or not.
Avitable: And we shall meet again…I just booked my flight to Florida so that I can attend your Halloween party!
NYCWD: Thank you for reading and supporting me. And if this option doesn’t work there are a few more to try.
radioactivetori: Do you have some special cookie recipes?
Thanks you for the good thoughts…I appreciate it so much.
HeatherK: I come across as ‘loud’? Is that good or bad?
I’m grateful for your wacky sense of humor too. We really need to meet for lunch or dinner some time soon.
Kizz: I know that dogs can be just like kids. That’s awesome that you have such a great dog.
Sandi: Let’s hope that they find a cure for ovarian cancer.
Lucy: I’m so glad you got yourself a Lindy’s cheesecake.
Amy: I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I’m glad to hear that she’s defied the odds against her. I hope to do the same thing.
I won’t be eligible for trials until we try all traditional therapies first.
MaryLeigh: Fall is a wonderful season. I love the colors.
3T: Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I really appreciate it.
Janer: Thank you. Yes, let’s hope three time’s the charm.
Amanda: All wonderful things to be grateful for.
Nat: Well said my friend, well said.
Ashley: What a great list of things to be grateful for.
The Other Dawn: I’m so glad that you get it. I didn’t get it until seven month ago but I finally got it.
I’m hopeful for a cure…I hope it gets here sooner than later.
Candy: I with you there sister!
MrsRobbieD: Thank you…I appreciate your thoughts and prayers very much.
Kim: I’m so sorry about your friend. I hope that your husband’s CT scan comes back OK.
Tug: Isn’t it sad that you have to go to a job you hate but feel grateful for having it because of the economy?
floating princess: You’ve got a great list of things to be grateful for.
Catherine: I like your list…I’m totally with you.
wafelenbak: I love Dave’s post.
Valerie: I’m so sorry to hear about your friend Rosemary.
shiny: I’m grateful I had the opportunity to meet you.
I think it is AWESOME that you are growing your hair for Locks of Love. Absolutely awesome.
Ms. Changes Pants While Driving: Have a drink on me tonight!
Kate: Great list.
DutchBitch: You also have a great list too!
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I’m grateful for my family, my wonderful husband, and the fact that both he and I still have jobs right now. I’m thankful for fat cat purrs rumbling through my pillow at night and soft headbutts to my hand. I’m grateful that I finally found a medication that’s somewhat restored me back to the way I was before my head went nuts.
Most of all, I’m thankful for you, and for you sharing your life with us.
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ok well first of all..you..i am grateful for you (duh huh)
second..oh so close second
I am grateful for coffee.
third..I am grateful that my new baby nephew arrived yesterday.
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I am so thankful that today is a wonderful Fall day. That I can have the windows open, that the sun is out, and i can smell burning leaves. Grateful that I have a dirty house that I can clean and dirty kids I can throw in the tub.
I am thankful that you share this Journey of your life with us. Thankful that I am learning more about life through this blog.
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I am thankful for my grey knit sweater. I grabbed it this morning not knowing if I’d need it or not and surely, I did. I am grateful that my family is relatively healthy. I am grateful for this Ibuprofen for helping to keep the pain of a double ear infection away. And I am grateful for you, like so many others, for sharing your amazing story and always being such a strong person. One of these treatments will work for you, I know it. I am grateful that you impress upon the rest of us not to take our lives for granted. That is such a great gift and I wish you well.
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I am grateful for friendship, happiness, love, the tree outside my window, and staying cuddly warm when it’s cold outside.
I’ll be thinking of you while we have our fun weekend… and I can’t wait for the photo of you and me at TequilaCon to pop up on my screen saver again.
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I’m grateful for my family and friends. I am grateful that autumn is here, and the humidity (at least for now) is gone. I’m grateful that even these uncertain times, and in less than “ideal” circumstances, my family is continuing to “make it.”
I’m grateful that you have more options!
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Job hunting always sucks, doesn’t it Lisa? But I’m trudging through. And the MS is always “there,” lurking around the corner. But I have your next million posts to look forward to, so I keep on keeping on. As will you. You have a third chemo to try… and a million posts to write. (They all have to be on separate days, by the way.) So you will keep on keeping on too.
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of course loud good! pick a day and I am there! t/th are the easiest, but any is good. Pick a place you’ve always wanted to try. Ever been to Coleman’s? Probably too far to drive, but we went there for our wedding dinner and it’s tasty! anywhere they don’t pass out toys is good by me!
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I am grateful to have found your blog. I’m grateful for your email you sent, so full of information on where to go for cancer support. I’m grateful for your cheesecake video! Made me smile…
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I’m grateful that you’re still here, too. Love you, honey.
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i am grateful for Autumn. the crisp, cool air, the blazing colors of the trees, the long walks with Moose (he’s a Newf and can’t tolerate the heat), the apple cider, the pumpkin carving, the bags of candy i buy (mainly because i shove about three of those in the bedroom nightstand), the kids who come to my door whose eyes get THIS BIG when i give them two handfuls of candy each.
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Today? Love, tapioca pudding, that I learned how to knit (want a hat? I am half finished one that is like the one the guy is wearing in this http://christinetexiera.com/imagesforWP/cf.jpg ) and fiddles.
I am grateful to have met you and can read your stuff now. You are pretty much awesome.
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I am grateful your doctors aren’t quitting on you and will move on to the next possible treatment.
I am also grateful that the fight I broke up today was between two people at least six inches taller than I am so I didn’t get pummeled when I got in between them! LOL
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I’m grateful for my family, of course, everyone says that…
What I am most grateful for is my friends. Friends like you. Who care about others. Without friends (and my blog(s)) I’d have NO sanity. Cause my family drives me freaking nuts. LOL!!
Oh and I’m grateful for my sense of humor!
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I am grateful to “know” you, at least so much as one can know someone on the internets just by keeping up with her blog.
I am also grateful to learn new things each day, realizing that my beliefs don’t define me, but that I choose my beliefs.
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Wow. Just wow.
I am grateful for every breath I breathe, every eye I blink, every song I hear and every piece of food I can chew.
I am grateful for my brain – the ability to think critically and analytically while at the same time thinking dirty thoughts and about different ways to laugh out loud…
I am grateful for finally finding a job that I really like and where I can finally use my abilities to make a difference every day.
I am grateful for my family – although we don’t always get along and they hardly agree with anything I do in my life, at least I know someone will catch me when I fall.
I am grateful for my friends – virtual and non-virtual. I FINALLY have a group of people that oppitimize the phrase “quality, not quality.”
Lastly, I am grateful for you…because you reminded me today that we as humans know more about our limitations than our strengths – and while I only know you through your blog, you are one of the strongest people I know.
Thanks for sharing today.
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I’m grateful that you’re still here, you’re still writing, and you’re still making me think. I’m grateful that my pizza delivery guy will come up the hill in bad weather, that my daughter has a job that is making her much happier, and that Obama is pulling ahead in the polls.
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I am grateful for stolen moments and secret looks…I am grateful for the solace of open spaces…I am grateful for the Awcomin marsh and the for person who holds the missing piece of my soul…I am grateful that there is someone out there who understands the significance of a geode and how symbolic it was for me to give him half and for me to keep the other…
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I am grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with my friend (you)! I am grateful that each day that brings new advances in medicine through research. I am grateful that I can turn off my TV to get away from politics and the deluge of bad economic news. I am grateful for HOPE. I am grateful for STRENGTH. I am grateful that you are YOU!
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You and your family are in my prayers.
Today I’m grateful that my 2 kitties came through their spaying and neutering surgeries with no complications.
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I am grateful that there are still options out there for you. I’m telling you Lisa, check into those clinical trials. If you want my husband to look more up for you, just shoot me an email. I’ll have him do it immediately. You just never know what’s out there and there may be something wonderful.
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Yeah, it sucks…but I have faith that the right job will come when it’s time. I also have faith that the doctors will find the right treatment for you to respond to! Keep the faith Lisa…we’re all here keeping it for and with you!
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I am grateful to have people to love who love me back. And I am grateful, more than you can ever know, that I stumbled in here and found you.
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I’m grateful that you have another option.
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I’m grateful that you and my husband are two of the most stubborn people I know who refuse to back down.
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I am grateful that I have been able to be inspired by your strength and courage over the past few months that I have been reading your blog.
I am grateful that during these tough economic times, neither my husband nor myself is unemployed, nor, are we in a job that will become downsized.
I am grateful to wake up each day, and enjoy my family, and my friends, and all the little things that I encounter everyday.
((((((HUGS)))))))
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ps- your local readers need to get together with you! I would love to meet you in person, and have one big blog party.
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I’m grateful you have this blog, as a place to reflect, to vent, and to touch others in your support system. Mine has filled a similar function, for me:
http://www.cewilton.blogspot.com
Yes, it often seems that cancer can – at times – come to dominate every aspect of our lives. The cancer is not apart from us, like some foreign invader. The cancer IS us, our own cells gone haywire. So, no wonder it can seem all-consuming. Yet, it’s not that at all. We are who we are, and we can continue to make choices to live the best lives we can. At our best, we strive to live WITH it and THROUGH it.
May it be so for you, in the days to come. Prayers are going out on your behalf.
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I’m grateful that I discovered your site, subscribed to your feed, and am reading your entries regularly because I am inspired by your strength and honesty.
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I’m grateful you are still here and hope this new chemo will work.
I’m grateful for every single thing in my life. No complaints, really.
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I am grateful for your friendship and your inspiration.
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I am grateful I got to meet you.
I am grateful for my family and that we are all so close
and knowing I can call and whine or laugh at any time
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I am greatful that I stumbled (literally) across your blog several months ago. I am grateful that I have been able to read the writing of someone who is so brave and truthful. I am grateful that there are more treatment options so that you can get better.
I am grateful that I have my health for now, people in my life who love me and a roof over my head.
Peace.
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Tonight I will attend a gathering of friends as we send one of us off to Houston where she will start a clinical trial in an effort to treat her cancer. I’m grateful that she got in the trial and that we’ll share some laughs and Champagne.
I’m grateful that my sister’s treatments for breast cancer seem to have worked.
I’m grateful for my life with Brad —every second of every day.
I so grateful to be able to ‘know’ you through this medium. You give those of us with whom you share your life so much.
hugs
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I’m grateful for hot cocoa on snowy nights, sunsets that look as if their colors were bleeding across the sky, friends that know when to shut up, when to crack a joke to make you laugh, just… “when.” I’m grateful for this blogging community and blessed to be a part of it.
I’m grateful to you, Lisa. For writing, for sharing, for loving…
You and yours are in my prayers =)
XOXO,
Amber
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I’m grateful that i found your blog. I’m grateful that there are other treatment options for you….
I’m also grateful for sweet iced tea.
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I am grateful that you have a wonderful and supportive network of friends.
I am also grateful that there are still options for you.
As always, I am praying for you.
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I am grateful that my daughter is home this week with her two young daughters, that her husband is taking care of her son and himself because her son is in school, that she is back on her meds for depression cause when she isn’t, it scares the sh– out of me. I am grateful we are all healthy, my son has a child on the way and that I get to share this with you.
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I am grateful for bloggers like you. Each time I think of ditching the blog, ignoring the feeds, I think of folks like you. Lisa, you are an inspiration in every post.
I am grateful for the blogsphere where I have found new inspirations, enlightening viewpoints, good people and daily reminders to look on the bright side even when my troubles are consuming. Blogging is a shared community of folks who might have different opinions and lives, but who manage to love one another all the same.
Tassess last blog post..Banning Rednecks From All Media
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