Dear Blog Friends

March 31st, 2008

Dearest Blog Friends,

I can’t believe what I have to tell you. I’m in utter disbelief myself. So much so that I’m drinking wine on a Monday evening. I’m trying hard not to freak out, to stay strong and to remain calm.

O.K., I’m taking a deep breath…in…out…shit, I’m not breathing.

You see my blog friends I feel horrible that I have to tell you this because you have always been so supportive. At this moment I feel like I’m letting you down but I really need your support so please…don’t run away. I need every once of support I can get.

I know I used to be a funny, bitchy blogger and that lately I’ve become quite depressing but life is like that sometimes. Deep in my heart I’m still that funny, bitchy girl that I love so much…that you love so much. You know me, I keep it real no matter what.

And this is no different…

For the life of me I never fathomed that I’d have to share this news with you again and I’m deeply sorry. I wish I could tell you that I landed that six figure job, but instead I have to tell you something more grim…

It’s a threepeat…I have cancer.

I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to tell you but I always put myself out there, so why would this be any different?

The cancer is different this time…it’s spread to some of my organs. I don’t understand what any of it means except that my cousin, the doctor, kept saying, “Lisa, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Dearest Blog Friends…I realize that once again I’ve left you in a speechless position but would you do something for me? Seriously. If you have made it to the end of this post, whether by feed reader or by stopping by the blog…don’t feel speechless.

Use the comments to tell me one thing…just one thing that you are grateful for today. Even if it’s Peanut M&Ms because I could really go for some Peanut M&Ms right now. The comments are all about gratitude today…

Gratitude…and I’m grateful for my blog friends.

Popularity: 100% [?]

My New Do

March 29th, 2008

Lookie, lookie…I got a new do! 

New Do

Popularity: 33% [?]

Excellent

March 28th, 2008

ExcellentWell it turns out that NYC Watchdog, lovingly known as Dawg, has declared this blog an Excellent Blog . There was a pageant complete with swim suit, talent and evening gown competition before he declared the winners. I got to wear the tiara! Alright, I made up the pageantry but I didn’t make up the rules:

  • Give credit to the originator of the Excellent Blog Awards: Kayla at Project Mommy
  • Give the award to at least 10 Bloggers
  • Note: These are not in any particular order as I was interrupted by a nuclear meltdown that my 8 year old daughter was having over some cotton balls she needed…to make a goat. A goat named “Gertrude”.

    I chose the following blogs for various reasons. Some I’ve been reading a few years, some a few month, but each has something different that I relate to with either some great humor or outlook on life.

    Without further ado I award the following blogs the Excellent Blog Award:

    One Thing I Hate About Today

    Snackie’s World

    Secondhand Tryptophan

    Karen Sugarpants

    Girl In the Crosswalk

    Dagny’s Empire

    Whatchu Tawkin Bout

    Why Are You Stalking Me?

    Americans in Singapore

    Tense Teacher

    Popularity: 21% [?]

    It Starts With the Anti-Christ and Ends With a Beef and Beef

    March 24th, 2008

    You must think I’m the Anti-Christ after reading my Easter post and then posting 10 old posts. If you want tips on how to alienate readers then I’m your girl. Really, I’m not trying to piss anyone off. I’m just being honest about my religious background and the posts? Well I’m looking at the past and trying to put some pieces of my life back together.

    Look, if you were trying to figure out when you started having symptoms of cancer for the second time or were missing pieces of your life from memory loss due to no fault of your own then you would do the same thing.

    On to other things…

    Tomorrow is the MRI. Nothing to eat or drink four hours before. Bring a list of all medications. Arrive at 9:30 am for your 10:00 am appointment. Be sure to take a fuckton of Xanax. Oh, that last direction about Xanax? Those are my directions because they don’t sedate you for a close MRI at my hospital.

    Ah, yes…tomorrow we’ll see what’s inside my abdomen. No one can tell me this time there isn’t anything there because my belly protrudes in abnormal areas. It hurts in weird ways. I will not live with this like I did from September 2002 till October 2004 or again from September 2005 until February 2007. There’s something wrong…I know it.

    Whatever it is will have to wait until after TequilaCon. I’m seriously not joking. I just donated a tiny bit of money (because that’s all I have) for Hilly to Come to Philly. I’m here in Philly so I feel like I have to get her here.

    Now I need to scrape up the dough to get a hotel room in order for me to have a good time at TequilaCon because I will not drink and drive. Unless of course someone wants to share the cost of a hotel room with me. We may need to have a Blogger Beef and Beer to raise some cash for a room. How would we do that? A Blogger Beef and Beer?

    Popularity: 8% [?]

    Career Dreams

    March 16th, 2008

    Lotsa MoneyFor many people a job is more than an income - it’s an important part of who we are.  So a career transition of any sort is one of the most unsettling experiences you can face in your life. ~Paul Clitheroe

    Well, let’s take a moment to look at some of the things going on in my life right now.  I could have cancer again so, that’s a bit unsettling.  There’s my husband, if you read Saturday’s post and besides wanting to hurt him, it’s unsettling.  Then there is this career transition I’ve been going through…it’s been nothing short of most unsettling.

    Currently I’m working for pennies because I took a job out of necessity on the fly.  I had to go back to school because I can’t afford to pay back my loans.  The second I stop going my loans go into repayment.  I owe $100,000 in student loans and you can’t pay that back making $10.00 an hour.  However when you work full-time and go to graduate school it doesn’t leave time to look for another job.  Well, it doesn’t leave any energy.

    I never score the big job interviews anyway.  And the two that I did score recently resulted in no job offer.  Those two interviews have shattered my confidence.  Plus the only reason I got those two interviews was because I knew someone.  Today it’s all about who you know.  Very rarely does anyone get a good job because of their resume and cover letter.  I’m not being pessimistic…it’s just the way it is.

    I’m a realist and with that I don’t believe that anyone would hire me for an executive level position.  In believing that some might say that I’m making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.  No, not at all.  I’ve never had an executive level position, never made a lot of money and never applied for such a position.  When someone in my graduate class asked me if I need a job and basically begged me to come interview I wasn’t going to consider it.

    I asked my classmate to send me a job description because I didn’t want to embarrass myself if I wasn’t qualified.  He sent me an email that he couldn’t find it on their intranet.  So, I played with the idea of sending my resume all weekend.  I stared at it.  It looked pathetic.  It just didn’t tell the story of my career.  It didn’t sound like me.

    After an hour of rewriting it was done.  It’s not the resume of someone who should make six figures because let’s be honest…I don’t have that kind of job experience.  Could I do the job?  Most likely.  Hell, I took a chance and emailed him my resume.  At worst he tells me that I don’t have the experience and skills he’s looking for.

    But at least tonight I can dream about what it would be like to make six figures, what it would be like to pay off my debt, and what it would be like to save for my kids’ education.

    Popularity: 4% [?]