It Is What It Is

One person dies every minute in this country from some form of cancer. ~Lance Armstrong

All day Friday I had been looking forward to watching the televised program “Stand Up To Cancer” that was on CBS, ABC, and NBC.  Fridays are typically Dude’s karate nights which means Cam goes to karate with him and Teenie stays home with me.  Usually I’m pretty tired so Teenie crawls into bed with me and we watch T.V.  I was hoping we could work out some sort of deal this Friday so I could watch “Stand Up To Cancer” but Teenie had other plans.

She batted her big, brown, puppy-dog eyes at me and asked if we could pop some popcorn and watch a movie together.  She knew that would also buy her some good old quality cuddle time too.  After dealing with major meltdowns every day after school this past week, I knew that little girl needed quality cuddle time more than I needed to watch an hour program on cancer.

The first few weeks of school are always full of meltdowns from both girls as they adjust from summer vacation to a structured schedule.  As parents, Dude and I set high expectations for them too, so I’m sure we don’t help.  We just want them to be great students and start the year off right but it’s rocky until we sort it all out and get the routine flowing.

So, Teenie and I watched “Cheaper By the Dozen II” because that’s the DVD she chose.  We ate some popcorn and cuddled.  We giggled and we were silly.  It was what we both needed and I recorded “Stand Up To Cancer”.

Today, Teenie begged me to take her to her karate class and I reluctantly agreed.  Then she told me what to wear and accessorized my outfit.  My eight year old!  She said, “MOM, you never get dressed up anymore” and that’s when it hit me that she was dead on spot. 

It’s been weeks since I put on makeup or jewelry.   It’s been weeks since I looked good.  It’s been weeks since I felt good.   When you look good, you feel good.  I have to admit that it felt great to look nice!

We went to Teenie’s karate class and then to the Library to get books for her, Cam and I.  After the library we came home and I started to make some jewelry.  Then it occured to me that in all the time I’ve been making bracelets, never have I kept one for myself.  So, today, for the first time I made myself an Ovarian Cancer Awareness bracelet and I’m wearing it proudly.

Look for more to pop up on the site next week.  I’ve got about $1,300 in medical bills to pay so I’ll be making bracelets like mad.

I gave Teenie exaclty what she needed…lots and lots and lots of Mommy/Teenie Time.  I haven’t seen her so happy or content in a long time. 

Tonight Dude and I watched the recording of “Stand Up To Cancer” and I thought everything they packed into that one hour was incredible.  A lot of it left me in tears…but it left me with so much hope.

Did you know that every minute someone dies from cancer?  Every hour 60 people die from cancer?  Every week 15,000 people die from cancer?

I’m not going to be one of those people anytime soon.  I have hope that there will be a cure for my cancer if “Stand Up To Cancer” does what it says it can do.  They want to put teams of doctors who are on the cutting edge of research…together….so they can collaborate….dream teams….to find a cure to all of these cancers.

I’m going to live to see that day dammit.  I have a lot more Mommy/Teenie Time to get in.

Go to www.standup2cancer.org for more information.

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If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one. ~Cavett Robert

I’m finally starting to feel a little better physically which plays a huge part in how I feel mentally.  If there is one thing I believe about any disease it’s multi-faceted.  I not only suffer from cancer though, I suffer from depression so I’m hyper-vigilant and in tune with how I’m feeling 24 hours a day.  I know that depression could take me down a mental road I might not recover from and  I’m just not willing to risk that today.

This last round of chemotherapy really took me through the ringer of depression which frightened me.  I cried and had anxiety attacks.  I was taking steroids to avoid a repeat of getting physically ill but I think mentally the steroids play with my depression.  I don’t want to take a chance on feeling like this again so I made an appointment to see my psychiatrist on Monday.

For the most part my depression has been under control for the past seven years.  It wasn’t until I accepted the fact that I was depressed that I was able to get help for the disease.  And it’s a disease just like any other disease…diabetes, heart disease, or cancer…so please don’t become judgmental or caste me in a different light.  I know that disease of the body is much more acceptable than disease of the mind.

I don’t talk a lot about the fact I have depression because it doesn’t affect my daily life that much.  In fact, I’m know that my family, close friends and I are all amazed that I’ve gotten through the past six months as strong as I have.  Yes, can you believe it’s been six months since I was diagnosed with cancer again?

Six months later I’m still standing strong but I’m not taking any extraordinary chances.  I’m calling in the big guns because I know that the next six months could be tough.  Historically Fall is prime depression season for me and leads into a winter funk that lasts until the spring.  Better to be proactive than to rest on my laurels and wait for it to hit me.

For six months I’ve been screaming from the mountain tops that cancer won’t take me down, right?  Well, it hasn’t so I’ll be damned if depression is going to sneak in here and takeover.  Time for some proactive measures.  To me, that’s taking care of myself, being proactive and staying on top of my game.  It’s the only way I know how to kick ass, fight and survive…anything.

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There are so many current events swirling around me that I haven’t been able to concentrate on writing anything about what’s going on in my own life.  I’ve been recovering from chemotherapy which means I’ve been sleeping alot, feeling really weak and not blogging.  A lot of people have started to call to make sure I’m alive.  Hello, I’m alive.  Thank you very much for checking in on me.

Thanks to everyone who sends sweet gifts like Lisa O. who sent me a package full of candy corn yesterday.

I’d love to thank the person who sent the box full of chocolate covered coffee beans but there was no note with the box.  Please come forward so I can properly thank you.  I can’t keep Dude out of the candy and he is bouncing off the walls!

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I have a new friend, thanks to Poppy! Thanks, Poppy! Meet Fluffy Pup…named by Dude. He’s my new chemo buddy.

That’s right, I plan on taking this pup with me to chemo. I’ll be that mature adult in the corner, rocking to her tunes, and hanging out with Fluffy Pup.

Fluffy Pup is one of those Squishables that Poppy and Dawg love so much!

You can see in this picture that my face is still puffy from steroids and I look a little sleepy.

Time to go hug Fluffy Pup!  Thanks again Poppy!

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