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Dirty Martinis

Dear Blog Friends

by Lisa on March 31, 2008

in Cancer Sucks, WTF?

Dearest Blog Friends,

I can’t believe what I have to tell you. I’m in utter disbelief myself. So much so that I’m drinking wine on a Monday evening. I’m trying hard not to freak out, to stay strong and to remain calm.

O.K., I’m taking a deep breath…in…out…shit, I’m not breathing.

You see my blog friends I feel horrible that I have to tell you this because you have always been so supportive. At this moment I feel like I’m letting you down but I really need your support so please…don’t run away. I need every once of support I can get.

I know I used to be a funny, bitchy blogger and that lately I’ve become quite depressing but life is like that sometimes. Deep in my heart I’m still that funny, bitchy girl that I love so much…that you love so much. You know me, I keep it real no matter what.

And this is no different…

For the life of me I never fathomed that I’d have to share this news with you again and I’m deeply sorry. I wish I could tell you that I landed that six figure job, but instead I have to tell you something more grim…

It’s a threepeat…I have cancer.

I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to tell you but I always put myself out there, so why would this be any different?

The cancer is different this time…it’s spread to some of my organs. I don’t understand what any of it means except that my cousin, the doctor, kept saying, “Lisa, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Dearest Blog Friends…I realize that once again I’ve left you in a speechless position but would you do something for me? Seriously. If you have made it to the end of this post, whether by feed reader or by stopping by the blog…don’t feel speechless.

Use the comments to tell me one thing…just one thing that you are grateful for today. Even if it’s Peanut M&Ms because I could really go for some Peanut M&Ms right now. The comments are all about gratitude today…

Gratitude…and I’m grateful for my blog friends.

Tagged as: Current Events, Dirty Martinis

{ 231 comments }

Disconnected Memes

by Lisa on March 21, 2008

in Cancer Sucks, WTF?

The only smart thing I did today was staying sober because had I taken one sip of alcohol it would have been all over.  Thank God I know my limitations.  Sometimes I feel like the readers of my blog are the only people who understand me.  No outside this browser seems to get it, well except Sister D.

Perhaps I expect too much of the people around me, I don’t know.  I’m pretty upfront, forward and direct about what I need and want.  If I put it out there with directions and specs then I’m less likely to be disappointed.  It’s not like I’m a princess or that I’m asking for a lot but when I say that Friday, March 21, 2008 is going to be a bad day because: A, B, and C…then…HELLO?

Specifically I’m speaking about two important people in my life.  One is my husband and the other is my best friend.  The two very people I expected to get this totally fucked it up.  Neither of them said a word to me.  I mean I live with one of them.  My best friend didn’t even call me or acknowledge my e-mail or phone call.

My husband didn’t give me a hug, a kiss or even exchange a caring word with me today.  Not. One. Single. Caring. Word.  Do you understand why it’s amazing that I haven’t touched any alcohol now?

He made me realize that there has been a lack of love and caring in our relationship for a very long time.  It’s one thing to say “I love you” and it’s another to really love someone.  Words are just that…words.  I’ve felt disconnected from my husband for the past several months and I’m not sure what’s going on.

I feel disconnected from everything.

And I’ve about had it with this crap.

All this bullshit is making me want to do a week of memes…drunk.  Like, what the hell?  I’ve already blown up everyone’s feed reader three times this year, depressed the living bejeevies out of those who haven’t deleted me so….who is up for a theme week of drunken memes???

Tagged as: Dirty Martinis

{ 12 comments }