It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln
There’s this feeling that I have and a voice inside (and no, it isn’t speaking to me) that gnaws at me and makes me wonder. I wonder if I’ve sought out THE absolute best answers from THE absolute best people. Have unturned every stone? Have I crossed every “T”? Am I getting the absolute best cancer care possible?
This might sound really stupid considering I went to Memorial Sloan-Kettering in New York City back in July. You would think that seeing a top oncologist at that hospital would settle my fears. That his recommendations for treatment and care would be enough. Sure, my doctor here at home is absolutely wonderful and can administer that treatment but is he the best for the long haul?
Because I’ve got news for you…
I’m here for the long haul.
Sure, this is recurrent ovarian cancer but if it’s going to keep coming back I want the top doctors in the world to manage my disease so I can BE here for the long haul. That’s not crazy, is it?
And there’s that feeling inside that gnaws at me because I know that I’m about three hours away from one of the top hospitals in the world that deal with Ovarian Cancer. Isn’t the cost of gas and a three hour car (six hour round trip) worth taking if it meant I could get THE best care possible?
So, it’s a question of what to do. Do I wait and see if chemotherapy is working or call in the big guns who specialize in my specific type of ovarian cancer…just to see what they have to say. This is the kind of thing that keeps me up ALL weekend long…when I CAN’T get answers.
Hope you had a much more peaceful weekend.
Tagged as:
Cancer Sucks,
Ovarian Cancer Links
You know it’s just like me to write a post about facing myself and talk about self-acceptance only to have it all change a week later. Well, when you look in the mirror and see the face of a puffin, it’s kind of hard to love that face.
Yes, I look like a puffin…just like that bird in the picture. My eyes are tiny and my cheeks are puffy. My body under normal cirmumstances is round but now it’s even rounder. It’s all quite frustrating.
Still, no one knows what’s causing all of this. The theory is that it’s a delayed reaction to all the steroids I took for chemo two weeks ago. To add insult to injury I’ll be taking more steroids this week for chemo on Thursday.
Will my face get so puffy it will explode?
At least the Bead Expo was fun. I met lots of interesting people because I have no problem talking to strangers. One woman asked me if I had cancer because I had a turban on. She was kind enough to give me extra beads and a discount on my purchase because her mother was battling cancer. I got some really beautiful, different and interesting beads that you just can’t get anywhere else other than a bead expo. There had to be at least 250 vendors there.
I spent the entire day reorganizing my beads and making some teal bracelets for September. September 5th is National Teal Day in honor of Ovarian Cancer Awareness. Mark your calendar. Guys…wear a teal shirt! Gals…wear a teal shirt and a teal bracelet. I’ll be selling bracelets all week starting tomorrow. It’s time that the color TEAL gets equal billing as some other colors, you know what I mean?
Tagged as:
Cancer Awareness Bracelets,
Cancer Sucks,
National Teal Day,
Ovarian Cancer Links,
Philadelphia Bead Expo
It’s cool to have cancer. ~Anonymous
The other day I came across the blog of someone who suffers from a chronic disease. The particular blogger was quite upset with the rest of the blogging world because she felt that she wasn’t getting the attention she deserved. It seemed that she felt because of the nature of her disease that the rest of the blogging world didn’t care.
What particularly caught my attention in her post was the fact that she called cancer the “cool” disease.
“It’s cool to have cancer…”
It’s her perception that people with cancer are rewarded with gifts, donations and trips…like myself. Well, lucky me because I’ve also been rewarded with an illness will result in my death sooner than later. I’ve hit the lottery of diseases, don’t you think? That’s really cool.
I have a disease called Ovarian Cancer also known as the “Silent Killer”. It often goes undetected, undignosed, misdiagnosed or diagnosed when it’s in it’s late stages because of it’s symtoms. The symptoms of Ovarian Cancer mock the symptoms of other illnesses which is why it’s so difficult to diagnose. It’s why it took two years before an ER doctor found my first 11 inch cyst.
Ovarian Cancer has the following symptoms:
- Pelvic or abdominal pain or discomfort
- Vague but persistent gastrointestinal upsets such as gas,nausea, and indigestion
- Frequency and/or urgency of urination in the absence of an infection
- Unexplained weight gain or weight loss
- Pelvic and/or abdominal swelling, bloating and/or feeling of fullness
- Unexplained changes in bowel habits
- If symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks, consult your physician
Do you see how easy it is to mistake those symptoms for another illness? That’s what happened to me over and over again. It happened the second time I had Ovarian Cancer, even when I had a previous history of the disease. And I’ve already explained how that story ended last year. I almost died…which I don’t think is cool at all.
Since March 31, 2008 I’ve been trying to find the right diagnosis. In that time I’ve had several tumors inside and outside my abdomen growing larger. Those tumors have been causing me pain but I haven’t been complaining. I’ve just accepted that this is part of living with cancer. However, I don’t think the pain of cancer is cool in any way, shape or form.
Tomorrow I start a new protocol of chemotherapy. Let’s talk about chemotherapy because that in itself is totally not cool. Chemo is meant to kill cancer cells but in doing that it also kills healthy cells because it doesn’t know the difference between the two. It can leave you in worse shape that you were in before you started.
Having your veins pumped full of toxic, metallic material…totally not cool.
I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Ovarian Cancer and there is a 50% chance that I will respond to treatment. If I respond to treatment, then there is a 80% chance the disease will return. I have a higher chance of dying from complications resulting from the disease than from the disease itself.
Now, regular readers know that I’ve taken a very positive approach to dealing with my illness but I have to say that it pisses me off to have someone say that it’s cool to have cancer. I haven’t found anything remotely cool about this illness. Nothing, nada, zip.
So, if in fact it’s truly “cool” to have cancer, then I’m as hip as they come but honestly does there have to be a contest? What I wish for that blogger is that she can find peace of mind and a healthier attitude in dealing with her illness.
Attitude is half the battle no matter what you are facing. I’m grateful for my ability to fight against depression and maintain my ability to have my “kick cancer’s ass” attitude.
Tagged as:
Cancer,
Chemotherapy,
Ovarian Cancer Links
