Posts tagged as:

Teeny

Life in hospice is going well. I can’t say enough about how nice the hospice nurses and other hospice workers are. The social worker has been a Godsend in helping Dude and in helping us tell the girls what’s going on.

Telling Cam and Teeny the truth, that I’m not going to get better, was the most heart breaking things I’ve ever had to do. It is NOT easy to tell your children that you are dying. Listening to them cry was one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. Not being able to fix it is the worst feeling in the world.

Dude and I decided to deliver the news to the girls last Saturday afternoon, a few hours before they had to go to church. Teeny has been consistently lighting a candle for me every week and she finds a lot of comfort in going to mass with Dude. Cam doesn’t complain about going nor does she get real excited. Dude and I thought they might find some extra comfort in going to church after talking to us earlier in the afternoon.

I’ve been too sick to go to mass for a while so Dude takes the girls by himself. He said that each girl was snuggled up as close and as tight to his side as they could be during mass. And of course, Teeny lit a candle as she always does. When she got home she told me that she still believes in the hope that I’m going to get better. God, how I wish that little ray of sunshine was right.

It’s not that I’ve given up hope but I’ve accepted my situation. I still take it day by day because I don’t know how I’m going to feel day by day. Take today for example. I might sleep all day long like I did on Tuesday OR I might feel fantastic and full of energy like I did on Friday. Every day is a crap shoot and I’ve just got to roll with it.

During the week the kids asked questions and spent more time “taking care” of me. In fact there were arguments over who was going to take care of me so I had to schedule their time out. They’ve also been busy cleaning and helping around the house.

My kids are strong but they have been dealing with cancer in their lives for five years. I hope the lessons they’ve learned and continue to learn make them stronger and don’t scar them. Although how do you tell an 8 and 11 year old there’s a lesson to be learned when their mom dies?

Well, I’ve got them surrounded by great people and a good support system that I hope pulls through for them. That’s how you do it.

{ 133 comments }

A Note For Santa

by Lisa on December 24, 2008

in Cancer Sucks, Dude, Kidz

My youngest daughter is eight years old and in the third grade.  Going by those statistics I’d wage a bet that this is the last year she’s going to believe in Santa Claus.  In order to prove that he exists she tests him every year by throwing  in a monkey wrench on her list.  This year is no different.

I dragged my sick body out of bed and just spent the past hour and a half on her monkey wrench of 2008.

This year she crafted a list of gifts for Dude and I to give her and a separate list of gifts for Santa to give her…along with “A Note For Santa”.

Santa, please may I have a picture of your reindeer, the North Pole, you, Mrs. Claus, and all the Elfs.

Can you please take me on a trip to the North Pole before you leave?

You can wake me up, I promise I won’t tell anyone except my dad, mom and my sister!!  I will just show the pictures to them, no one else!!

I took care of the pictures by using Google and printing them out and putting them in frames.  I wrote a letter to her like I was Santa and explained that I just didn’t have the time to take her to the North Pole with all the gifts I have to deliver.  Of course I let her know that it didn’t mean I, Santa, didn’t love her…maybe we could do the ride another night.

I hope she buys that.

I’ve never seen her so excited about Christmas as she is this year.  At 7:00 am this morning she couldn’t sit still and said, “Mom I’m just too excited to sit still…this is going to be the longest day ever!!!”

As sick as I feeling right now, I’m just as excited about this Christmas as she is.  If I had to write a note to Santa I’d just thank him for giving me a child like Teenie and Cam, and a husband like Dude to spend the holiday with.

Happy Holidays,

Lisa

{ 26 comments }