Posts tagged as:

The Rock Bitch

Women and SUVs

by Lisa on September 30, 2008

in WTF?

This post was originally written on November 29, 2005 and posted on The Rock Bitch when I had a few close calls with some SUVs.  I thought of it yesterday when I had a similar situation except I was at Salad Works instead of Panera.  And back in 2005 I used to go to Panera almost every day!

Also keep in mind I was going through menopause and I was full of mixed up hormones…

Here’s the post:

Warning: If you are a woman who drives an SUV, then I am about to piss you off.

I’m lobbying for a new law.

Women in suburbia carrying mobile phones should be forbidden from driving SUVs.

Yes, I know. I am a woman living in suburbia carrying a mobile phone however the bitch mobile is a Honda Civic and I sometimes I use the phone in the car. The Honda’s great on gas mileage…38/mpg and it’s low maintenance. I digress because this isn’t about me, or the Honda but it’s about women in their SUVs.

I know that said no Panera this week but I just went for a salad…salads are good for you and their Grilled Chicken Caesar is delightful. And I also got a Chai Tea Latte but that’s not the point of this story…it’s what happened as I left the shopping center…

As I pulled out of the parking lot this huge GMC Suburban cut me off!  Inside was a petite, bleach-blonde woman yacking on her mobile phone. On the back of her GMC was one of those sticker magnets that said, “Princess On Board”.  So, I laid on my horn and flipped her the finger, however I don’t think she could see me because her SUV was so g’damn big!

As I merged on to the highway a Chevy Tahoe cut me off!  This time it was a suburbanite brunette and she was on the phone.  I was thinking, “What the fuck?  Am I going to live to eat this salad?”  This bitch had to be going 70 mph in the right hand lane and had no mercy for me or my Honda.

When I got back to work I parked my Honda and got out of the car. As I headed towards the building one of my female co-workers almost ran me over.  She was in her GMC Envoy, talking on her Nextel oblivious to the fact that I was walking across the parking lot. I Nextel’ed her when I got in the office and she had no remorse.  She said, “I’ll have better aim next time.”  I love her but I swear that I work with sadistic people.

This is not my first encounter with women and SUVs. The parking lot at Wal-Mart is probably the worst offender because I’ve almost been killed five times by a woman in an SUV talking on a mobile phone.

Women + SUVs / Mobile Phones = Fucking Disaster

x + y = z

No matter how you look at the equation it’s a mess.  A law must be passed.  No more women in SUVs.  Write your congressman!  Write your senators!  Just stop the madness so I can eat my salad from Panera without risking my life!

{ 17 comments }

Shine A Light

by Lisa on March 13, 2008

in Uncategorized

You know that I’ve been a Rolling Stones fan since I was seven years old, right? Well, right now I’m as excited as a seven year old because this starts on April 4th at the IMAX. Something to look forward to…Yeah Me!

Shine A Light

{ 2 comments }